Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional still wondering about ASD

(Sorry for the novel. DD and I are both wordy!)

DD is 7 and in first. She was tested with the RIAS earlier this year and scored 133 overall. It�s possible her score is off a little since one subtest was drastically lower than the other 3, which were 96th-99th%. Overall, her LOG looks like a Ruf level 2/3 most of the time. She is well-rounded, with advanced skills in almost all areas. She has great penmanship, writes easily and well, and is a great artist.

We have worried off and on about ASD since she was very young. Her prodigious memory, pronoun reversals (stopped just when she hit 3), frequent meltdowns, rigidity, and intensity were very obvious at 2. We had a silly young teacher�s aide throw �Maybe she�s autistic!� at us after one hard day at preschool. Her preschool directors requested a conference with us at age 3 to tell us we should have her IQ tested so we could all understand her better (we did not do this). Yet she was also eval�ed by early intervention at 2, for gross motor issues (mildly delayed but not enough for therapy) and they said no to ASD because she is very social, introduced herself, had back and-forth conversations and made eye contact (but she scored very highly on a cognitive eval at this appointment and they seemed a bit overdazzled by that, IMO). She also has always had very rich, nonscripted, highly imaginative pretend play. She has had many strong interests�right now she is very focused on birds�but they change a lot and she does not monologue on them. Actually, she has never monologued, though she DOES talk a lot and often misses subtle social cues. She is very creative--recently finished writing a musical for children (it's short, but still!) and has also started writing poetry, while continuing to produce lots of interesting and creative visual art.

Socially, she parallel played till mid-4, and strongly preferred grown-ups to kids till then. She found other children frustrating as a toddler because they couldn�t talk well (she was extremely verbally precocious, speaking in long sentences by 18 months). In her 4s and 5s she developed a good group of friends in preschool who asked for playdates with her and seemed to like her a great deal. At 7, she has friends and seems relatively well-liked (I think her academic skills have actually been admired in her small class) and has also had boys crushing on her, but still will separate and play alone fairly often. When with friends, she sometimes gets out of control silly and does something that looks a bit like verbal stimming, with lots of repeated nonsense words. She can engage in cooperative, flexible imaginary play quite nicely if the other child is interested, but will often not even try to do this. She seems immature compared to many children her age, but not extremely so.

She reacts very badly if teased or excluded, bursting into tears and getting very agitated. She takes minor friendship dramas (�You�re not my friend anymore�) very literally and seriously. Although it has not happened at school, she could easily be a �mark� for bullies because she reacts so strongly if pushed in any way. She appears incapable of teasing/excluding/engaging in girl drama herself�a good thing, but in some ways this seems a little abnormal. At the same time, though she is never intentionally mean, she can be very off-putting and can hurt people�s feelings because she is excessively blunt, very strong-willed, and frequently corrects other people. (She cannot bear inaccuracy.) She is also extremely literal and is just beginning to understand things like sarcasm or good-natured ribbing.

As a rule, she is quite well-behaved at school and rarely if ever descends the behavior chart. She has had occasional emotional meltdowns there, however, where she became very upset and wailed and sobbed over a seemingly minor thing. Changes in routine are especially hard�she has a very hard time with subs. This happens maybe 4-5x/year and was disturbing to the school principal, who brought it up to us with concern. Her classroom teachers, however, say the occasional freakout is not a huge deal. Her grades are very high and her behavior is described positively on her report cards.

At home, we struggle, and always have. She is incredibly stubborn and argumentative. Her tone is often rude, bossy, and harsh. We have talked to her about this till we are blue in the face, but she really seems to not hear how she sounds (yet is sensitive to OUR tone). She routinely ignores our requests and challenges us on matters of discipline and is overly directive with her younger brother. She can be really inappropriate with other adults, even strangers, contradicting, arguing with, and being rude to them. We have up times and down times, but I am often extremely frsutrated with her. Some of this is me, but I often feel she just does not �get� things that she really should about social back and forth. Yet she understands the emotions and motivations of characters in books very well. She can appear to lack empathy, but at other times her empathy seems over the top.

I guess I wonder if any of this sounds familiar or if anyone has any thoughts. I suspect she would not score/rate as ASD, but am not sure. I feel an unskilled evaluator might get it wrong in either direction. I used to do some of those online questionnaires, and she often scored in a gray area or just below a gray area. Sometimes I am sure these are gifted quirks, while other times I feel sure there is something �wrong.� The family is suffering and we all yell too much. I don�t know if she needs social skills training (though her problem is more with adults in authority, not as much other kids!) or if we need family therapy or what.