Hi Min,

I agree with everything Mich said.

In addition:
Astounding factual knowledge combined with poor application can be (isn't always!) due to Asperger's Syndrome. Kids with AS tend to compile vast quantities of information in their areas of interest and monologue about it; they may or may not be able to actually use the information. The lack of common sense and the zoning out can be part of this, too, or ADHD-inattentive, or several other things. You need an expert (neuropsych or developmental pediatrician) to sort this out in detail.

I would especially second both the need for a full evaluation and the need to be cautious with reward systems while you are still sorting out what the issues are. If you put into place a reward system that the kids can't actually accomplish because of their deficits-- if they can't regularly access the reinforcers-- you create frustration and a sense of failure, which is definitely not in anyone's best interests.

If you want to go the reward route, I'd pick one specific behavior to reward (not just "doing well at school today" but "remembering to pack your own backpack the evening before school" or something very measurable), and make sure it's a task that they can already accomplish some of the time. You probably want to expand their competence slowly, step by step, with very specific tasks; they're more likely to succeed that way.

And you are right: you'll need the school on board with anything happening there. I would specifically advise against your having a home reward system for dealing with school behavior, both because communication between home and school is sometimes imperfect, and because losing home privileges for behavior at school will make them hate school and lose the sense of home as a place where people are on their side.

You can request (in writing) that the school conduct its own evaluation--give them a list of all areas where you suspect problems. The Wrightslaw book From Emotions to Advocacy has nice sample letters. This should be done at the same time as you are pursuing a private evaluation-- because the school has to evaluate before they can formulate a good plan to be of real help to your kids.

HTH,
DeeDee