Inky, terrific links-- that is what I was thinking about, as well, between this thread and the other one about "parenting crossroads" also about a girl about this age.
Middle school is just awful for girls (in general terms) and being different in ANY way only makes it more excruciating. Unfortunately, we can't always choose to be like everyone else:
only in what
manner we are radically different.
What makes her feel most comfortable
in her own skin, in other words?
{{hugs}}
This lack of academic and social self esteem seems to be baseless to anyone but her. Is she realizing she is different? Will she start to underachieve to fit in?
Writing is her "weakness" and she describes herself as "terrible" at it. Yet I know she is one of the best writers in the class, just not so far beyond like she is in math.
That really resonates with me. I'm not sure that I know the underlying psychology there, but this sounds painfully similar to things that my own DD11 began saying about three years ago when she entered middle school. It truly doesn't seem to be "perfectionism" though it can sure look like it. DD's standards seem to be pretty idiosyncratic and variable, and it is the kind of thing that she says about not just academic work-- but ANYTHING that isn't going well (by her standards). It doesn't seem to respond to anything external, but my gut says that it is rooted in her self-perceptions and in her burgeoning recognition of how her asynchrony impacts her ability to acheive the way she would like.
Non-GT ed folks have said that "working on the weakness" to "bring it up the level of the rest" is the answer, and GT experts seem to feel that fighting asynchrony is pointless and leads to profound problems. I have no idea who (if either) is correct, or if THEY even know why some kids do this. My gut says that neither one of those answers it right for my own DD. Is it a girl thing?? I really wish that I knew.
I
do think that it feeds underacheivement-- it's as though I am holding my breath as I watch DD walk closer and closer to the edge of the cliff there, or something. I can just
sense it lurking there.
Former underacheiver extraordinaire, here. My rationale was something like this: If I fail (to meet my goal) after really trying my best, then I will be forced to admit that I'm not as smart as I want to believe that I am. Ergo, I will not try very hard. That way, sure, the results won't be great-- but I won't have risked anything personally, either, and therefore I can escape emotional damage by shrugging off the results with "Yeah, but I
could have done so much better..."
I repeatedly set myself up for failure, and then I was never unpleasantly surprised, if that makes sense. (Yes, I know-- but an "irrational" sort of sense!) This all started in about middle school, with a move in the middle of the school year. It began as a means of 'hiding' in plain sight as a response to being different. I didn't WANT to have any 'extra' attention drawn to me by teachers, and I certainly didn't want to give something my all only to fall short. I hated rejection-- so I decided to beat the whole darned world to the punch. I quit trying for excellence and vanished into the shadows. That downward spiral went
other places later on (including a whopping case of imposter syndrome), but no need to go there.
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That's probably considerably OT, but I think it is worth mentioning that MOST female students who are homeschooled are pulled OUT of awful middle grade situations. (gr 5-9)
If it were me (and it isn't), I might be tempted to try distance education options or homeschool for a few years if the skip doesn't seem like the right thing to do. (And it might not be.)
