We run into this occasionally at our house, with all family members.
With DH, we joke about 'darn wifi not working properly.'
With DS14, when he was smaller, if I got no answer, I would routinely say: Honey, I'm not sure if you answered in your head or you are still thinking - can you help me?
Usually he would say - Oh, I spaced out! but sometimes he's smile, as he had thought it was aloud.
BTW - knowing what I know now, I would certianly disipline the 'tone of voice' error. Even if she had send the request on engraved invitation, she has no reason to speak to you in that tone of voice, AND she will hugely benifit from developing the internal resources to manage her frustrations. Life is full of frustration and it's great to be able to get an early start on learning to handle the less than perfect moments of life.
I'm not suggesting that you do anything draconian by way of disipline, simply that you all have a family talk about the 'new rule' - 'no harsh tone of voice' and then enforce it with a quick bout of 'selective deafness' and a calm 'that's a rule break' followed by 'thanks so much for your respectful (or kind) tone of voice.'
My thought is that after your dd develops a level of self control that allows her to ask a second time without melting down, she'll be able to 'laught at herself' and say 'Opps - I thought I already told you.'
Anyway - good luck!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
