Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Frustrated (long)

This is such a typical response, and so frustrating.

It seems to me that your son's teacher was pretty contradictory. On the one hand, she sent you a letter saying she "almost never sees angry outbursts" but then when you asked about moving to a more appropriate program, she said that he "stills throws tantrums or breaks into tears when frustrated." Well, which one is it? Are they rare or not?

I realize that a kid with abilities that put him in the 1:500 range or whatever is pretty rare and that teachers would be suspicious of claims that he could read when he was 3. But what frustrates me the most is that so many of them don't even seem to care or try to validate the claim. I mean, how hard is it to give the kid a list of words and see if he can read them? Teachers have a responsibility to understand that "B is for Boy and C is for Cat" is too easy for some 5 year olds, and that is that.

Also, too many people seem to buy into the myth that socialization can only happen with exact-age peers. When I was a kid, no one I knew hung around with classmates, and classmates ONLY. We ALL had friends 1 or 2 grades above and below. Besides, socialization happens on a multi-age playground, not during "B is for Boy" time!

And no one seems to get wound up about "redshirted" kids who are a year older than their classmates. Why is this practice okay, but acceleration isn't?

Perhaps you could point out that his frustration may be more serious than she realizes. Maybe it's building up all morning sometimes, and then finally a straw breaks the camel's back and he can't hold back. All young children are too immature to express frustration with words. They simply haven't learned how yet, so they cry.

The problem isn't that a kid will learn to concentrate by sitting still during circle time and by drawing a line from B to Boy. The problem is that a kid can't learn to concentrate until and unless he's presented with material that challenges him. Anything else forces kids to sit still for its own sake, which is a silly idea for a 5 year old.

And forcing a kid to do work that's two or more years below his ability level will most certainly NOT teach him how to sit still or help him "mature" (though it will help make him cynical). I'm not even really sure why people would think it does???

I'm not sure I like the term "asynchronous development" because it implies that completely different qualities should develop at the same time,and that you can't learn to divide until you can sit still in circle time. This seems like a ridiculous idea to me.

Final thing: when people feed me BS about "everyone will catch up by xx grade" I point out that this is because bright kids aren't given a chance to move forward, not because of some magical process of equalization. You can't walk to the end of a road if someone puts a big electric fence in your way and refuses to remove it until some other people "catch up".

Well, that's my rant. Guess I'm still burning from being told that "silent e can damage 5 year olds" last Friday. You are not alone, Crisc!!

Val