I don't know that I can even THINK your responses Grinity. I was just looking for permission to try something as bold as DH's suggestion. Yikes.
LOL! I knew they were outrageous, but please reconsider about THINKING them. One of them may actually be true! And even if none of them are true, they maybe close enough that they could start you thinking of the 'comeback' that is true.
When I listen in on the Young Scholar email lists, one story that gets told over and over is that of a shy child, getting to the big yearly gathering, and suddenly starting to act like a chatterbox/life of the party. This is by no means universal - some kids get there and are overwhelmed by the sensory overload. Some truly are shy. Some don't like the games that the other kids are playing. But I get all choked up hearing over and over stories of parents who thought that they 'knew their kid' suddently seeing an entirely different side to them.
Why do teachers as a group think that shy behaviors occur in kids who aren't able to do the work? It is because many kids who act shy at school lack confidence. Why might a child lack confidence? Most do lack confidence because they often find themselves at a loss to do what is being asked of them at school. (Although sometimes it's a cultural issue, and some are just naturally shy.) Most of the kids lack confidence because they feel that they aren't doing the school work well enough - but some kids feel incapable socially.
Why wouldn't a kid feel like a social failure if the very words they naturally use are unknown to their agemates? If the games they like require reading and their classmates don't know how? If when they do answer in class they can feel their classmates disconnect from their answer? If the things their parents value are different from what the other kid's parents value? If they can remember every slight from years and years ago and their classmates appear to have no memory of the past at all? What if they suspect that they know more about something than the teacher, and that the teacher would have a problem with that, but don't really want to be sure?
I hoping that I'm not talking about anyone's kid here, but I remember feeling most of those things from time to time.
MON, you won't really know if your child is shy 'no matter what' or just socially aware enough to appropriatly be 'dialing back' her in-school participation until you get her into situations that suit her better. Teachers don't always like kids who 'ask a lot of questions' and your daughter might have picked up on that in one classroom and carried that idea into other classrooms where the teachers don't feel that way.
As far as acceleration helping the social match, I don't think there are any studies that have come up with it harming, even for shy kids. I notice that Iowa Accleration Scale Manual doesn't deduct points for introversion, but if you email the author, she will probably get back to you on it.
I don't think extroversion increases with age, but I do think that there is a certian amout of learning social scripts that happens over time. I think that the general assumption is that kids who are struggling academically are going to act insecurity, and so keeping them back might prevent the academic struggle and prevent the insecurity, see? OTOH, if the insecurity is not from academic stuggle, but rather from the academic fit being way below the readiness level, I don't think any confidence can grow from that.
Even if DS10 loves to speak to 5 year olds, you wouldn't want him in a classroom with them 6 hours a day, yes? Some gifted kids like to be with younger kids because then they can be leaders without having to fight for it, or because the younger children are more in touch with their imaginative side.
So get rid of my responses, and find ones of your own. If they come off a touch 'superior' then certianly don't say them aloud where anyone can hear you, but say them enough that you figure out ways to wear down the pointy edges, ok?
Love and More Love,
Grinity
