You and your daughter might want to check out Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. She sees everyone as having either a "fixed" or "growth" mindset. People with a "fixed" mindset "spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success�without effort." The growth mindset people "believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work�brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment."
I think this and any other dichotomy oversimplifies things, but I'm reading the book now, and it has a lot of good food for thought for self-sabotaging all-or-nothing perfectionists like myself.
