Well, this very evening, DS12 asked me at the dinner table if I had to do it all over again
(pulling him from a public school that denied him a gradeskip, and even subject acceleration because 'they can differentiate for every child within the classroom'
and placing him in a local private school that granted him a full grade skip and a further Math Acceleration less than a month after he joined the school, and was a great match academically, with loads of individualized teacher attention, but DS always feeling he was 'almost there' socially, and being dissapointed over and over again that he never made any headway socially, and even was a bully's vicitm for long months in the second year,
then having to make the big decision to return to the public school system, with the skip intact, which has been wonderful for him socially, and a welcome relief from some of the 'organizational streching' that he was subjected to at the private school, while still being intellectually interesting.)
Would I do it all again?
I tried to explain the 'least-worst option' choice, and he cut in -
Would I?
Me: Yes, as hard as it was, you really needed it. Would you?
DS12: Yes.
Without going into the possible diagnosises that have been offered us over the years, he was just miserable (on some days) being in elementary without learning much, very stressed all the time and acting out (on many days.) Now he is almost always reasonably behaved at school, willing to try new things, doing his own homework without any parental supervision, sold on the idea that he can be competitive academically, and, best of all, the love of learning is back! He spent last summer getting faster and faster at doing the Rubix Cube, and is now into Chess, both activities that he would have previously shunned for fear of being seen by peers as a 'Nerd.'
I wouldn't have believed that a summer birthday plus a single gradeskip plus Honor's Math, plus various afterschool activities would have been 'enough' to engage a PG kid, but it does seem to be. Next year he will have the ability to take 'Honors' classes in all subjects, at the local High School. So I am hoping it will be 'enough' for several more years, and I am not fearful.
I hope this is an 'on track' answer. Life isn't perfect, and the highs and lows are still very intense. Certianly there is a range of individual tolerance for a poor fit classroom. Some kids are easy-going by nature, or trusting by nature, or know how to self-differentiate at a young age. But a child who is not appreciated OR challenged at school is at least 'at risk' for being damaged at school. Moving a child to a setting where they can flourish can be part of the solution. Of course there were lots and lots of other things I did that helped as well, joining DYS program, gifted summer camps, afterschooling, setting up playdates with other 'like-minded' boys, telling lots of stories at the dinner table about other what was going on in the lives of the families I read about on line, but without the gradeskip, I don't see him being anywhere near as satisfied with himself and his life as he is now.
Thanks for asking and caring,
Grinity
