With regards to enrichment at home does anyone else have a problem being the one offering the enrichment? My son excels when he works with teachers or testers (I think he likes the attention) but with us he really is not interested in studying. We do our best to make it interesting or entertaining but he is never that enthusiastic. If we take him to museums or let him determine what he wants to learn then it works. But sitting down doing math worksheets or reading is not a big hit.
Hi ConnorsDad,
I think that teaching one's own child is a bit of a learning experience for the parents as well as the child. There is a movement in homeschooling called "unschooling" that suggests that you do just as your child wishes, and determine what he wants to learn, with the idea being that eventually he will want to learn something badly enought that the "boring" jobs will be "worth his while." While it seems like this would work for a full time homeschooled child, or for a child who is being reasonably accomidated at school, I don't think it is the answer for kids who are going to stay in regular programs with their agemates. Those kids really need a dominant parent who has very high expectations. My DH and I
perhaps could have pulled it off if someone had warned us earlier, but I doubt we would have believed. It can take quite an effort if it doesn't "come naturally." A friend of mine told me that you can not look to your child for reassurance, you have to have a plan you believe in and be able to lead. Yucky, but true! Look around at the parents and children around you, and peek at them from this perspective.
For some reason I was happy to boss my kid around regarding "how to interact with Grandma" but hesitant to demand worksheets. I wanted learning to be fun and something his natural love of would drive him forward. I wanted him to take the lead. If this sounds like your family, then the physical risks of the PG school are probably (much) smaller than the emotional risks of being left behind with agmates and "in-class enrichment." On the other hand, if you believe that children
can't know what is best for them, and
need to do dull skill building things and
naturally want to follow a strong leader, then it seems like the raised eyebrow and "back to your worksheets young man" would work once you got the hang of it.
As for using a tutor to get around having to be in a leadership position with your young man, I suspect it would only be a temporary kind of thing, unless the tutor himself has a lot of natural charisma. Sure, in the begining the newness of the situation will bring out some amazingly good behavior, but after a while this "leadership" problem will reappear. If the tutor is working in a situation of "my dad'll kill me if I don't really make an effort" then they can be chummy and have a great time. If the situation is "be free my child" then soon enough the child will want to "be free" of the stuff that doesn't come easily - and there you have it - underachievment and tons of stress all around.
I sure wish that someone had effectivly explained to DH and I that in order to be an effictive parent, you do have to accept the role of being the grown up. I'm exaggerating, of course, but apparently the act of parenting brings up every unhealed bit of our pasts to be examined or to bite you. When I was a kid, I thought that I knew better than everyone. ((no suprise there - LOL!)) I couldn't wait to be a parent and show the world that by being sensitive and thoughful, one could raise an egalitarian child. There were plenty of parenting books around that agreed with me, and the books that didn't agree with me somehow couldn't penetrate my "i know better" shield. I'd have to say that it has been a mixed blessing.
Lots has gone well. But the big drawback, is that he feels "entitled" to come home and relax after a hard day of school working hard to suppress 75% of his personality, and being blamed because the 25% is still "too much." Not to mention how dull school can be when you already have the information. The only thing left is the dull drill, which everyone has to do, it's not the only learning task for most kids. So we ended up in a private school with a grade skip. He misses his friends, and we miss the money, but there is an overall feeling of peace and satisfaction that comes when a PG kid gets to work hard at school, master a ton of homework, do his house jobs, and then kick back with "World of Warcraft" feeling trimuphant. When people look at us in wonder, at why would one do this to an eleven year old child - I say "He likes and needs to carry big rocks."
Well, I hope this helps, and that I haven't wasted your time. this is the ultimate case of "do as I say, not as I did" so if one of our parents who actually made this work would chime in, I'd sure appreciate it.
Go see the PG school. I'm not going to blame you about your safety concerns, but I do encourage you to meet the teachers and talk to the kids and other parents and see how you feel. A friend of mine recently made the same choice, and was able to feel comfortable by doing the driving back and forth.
Good luck and keep in touch,
Trinity
