Mine are in college now, but it was a long road of feeling inadequate. Kids running circles around me with manipulation and always wondering if I was a good enough parent for them.
At the age of 4, I said to myself, no, this kid was probably not switched at birth because the real parents would probably have stepped up by now with my real kid.
At the age of 5, the school insisted my DYS skip K. What? How on earth will this kid be normal if they don't stay with peers?
At the age of 9, we pulled out to homeschool a year and really got to know each other, and you know what? DYS kid is just like every other kid--- needs parental guidance, needs to learn about themselves and be true to who they are, needs parent to support them as they run into some unusual problems.
At one point my child looked at me and said "mom why is OTG (other gifted kid) doing college math and I'm only in algebra. Why didn't you give me more math". Fortunately, I had an answer because I had included this child in all the decisions. I said "remember you wanted to learn with other children and if we had given you higher math, that wouldn't have happened. Would you be happier knowing calculus right now?"
Basically, just know that parenting is not about optimizing your child's achievement. It's about helping them grow into themselves with their unique personalities and needs. You and your husband had a lot of needs growing up and they may not have been met. You are in a unique position to recognize mismatches and the impact they can have on your children. Which puts you right where you need to be in parenting. Gifted is just one characteristic.
