Thank you all so much. This is all very helpful. We've started to have some of these discussions, and will continue to do so. I think explaining to him how his brain works will really help him process what he has gone through.
He has been ok socially for the most part, because he is fun for other kids to be around and he is a natural leader. He has unfortunately not always been leading in the right direction, but he is very likeable. I think what appears to be uber-confidence is actually rooted in insecurity though; we are finding out now that his opinion of himself is indeed very low (surveys from psychologist and other discussions). He uses his "cool kid" image to compensate for his behavioral failings. A couple years ago, we were at a school function and one of his good friends introduced him to his own parents this way: "This is !&#$. He always ends up on red." (Referring to behavioral clip chart in the classroom, red being the low) So even though this kid liked him a lot, and they played together every day, that child had given him the "red" label and that was the first thing he thought of when introducing him. His teachers have always said he shows no emotion to them at school, when he is actually a very emotional kid. We think he has developed an armor that he puts on before he walks in those doors every day. He knows that the truth of who he is, is not ok at school...but he can't help it, so he gears up for battle every day. Have fun, show no hurt, be cool. That has worn him down over the years I think.
A few days ago he told me that he'd read a book with a story line involving a bad guy taking over a good guy's body, and the good guy felt like he was a passenger in his own body. My DS said he feels the same way, a passenger who has very little control. We have agreed that we need to get him some tools to help him be the driver now. I love the idea of starting to replace his negative self-view with a new picture.
Thanks for the support and the links to helpful information!
