Hi friends,
As life got busier, I posted here less and less often. It's been a while - glad to see the blinking envelope is still meaninglessly blinking!
DS turned 11 yesterday. As I lay in bed last night, I thought back to a post on this board by another mom. It gave me hope and courage and comfort. It was when DS was 6 and things were so very hard - his intensity, his sensitivity, his anxiety, his strong, strong emotions and impossibly short fuse. His desperation at wondering why he was always in trouble - how baffled he was that he couldn't do better.
How lonely and afraid I felt.
I still have that post in my bedside drawer. It's been a while since I read it, which must mean things are getting easier. And they are. So I wanted to write a post that maybe one of you will find comforting.
Raising kids is hard. Raising gifted kids is really hard. Raising a highly gifted kid is just very nearly impossible to explain. The point is the asynchrony, which nearly nobody will see or understand. They'll just see you as bragging about the good stuff (which you will quickly learn not to mention) and making excuses for the bad stuff. And as the kid's mind gallops further and further ahead and the self-management skills ... don't ... you begin to worry for the future and worry that you are doing everything wrong.
But you're not. You are very likely doing the best anybody could do for your child - and you will keep doing it. Then sometime around 9 or 10 years old (or maybe 7 or 11 or whatever for you - but as they grow), a miracle will gradually, gradually happen. That's when DS began to have the fuse he needed between a feeling and an action. A cause and a response. Once he had that fuse, he started to be able to manage things. A little better and a little better and a little better.
And he began to like himself more. And his friendships grew deeper. And his learning blossomed to a different sort of multi-dimensional thing. And he became less anxious, less quick to confront, just happier. And so did his Dad and I.
And I'm not so lonely and afraid.
We are far from done. We still have those days, and we still work hard at things that are so much easier for other families. But good heavens - he'll be driving in a few years, and then going away to college (sob) and I can honestly look forward to that without instantly imagining catastrophe!!
So if you are in those super hard early days with a HG/EG/PG kiddo - don't despair. Don't give up! You are doing a good job and the payoff is coming. Even the fact that you are here, looking for support and ideas - your kid is so lucky to have you. Give yourself a pat on the back, a little compassion and a great big overflowing cup of hope.
Take good care,
Sue
