I *do* think, however, that it's important to consider carefully the well-being of both children in making a decision like this.
Absolutely!
...one factor that has occurred to me since I posted is that my daughter could be especially threatened if my son actually does surpass her in math...
It is healthy, IMO, for children (and their families) to acknowledge varying degrees of strength in any particular area.
It is unhealthy, IMO, for one child to be brought up being taught that the elder sister is "she who I am not allowed to surpass" or "she who I must take a back seat to." This creates an artificial ceiling for the younger sibling. This also seems to imply that the family will not be able to function if the younger sibling were to excel in areas not designated as "ok" by the family and/or the elder sibling.
If your younger child surpasses your elder child in sports/athletics, or in the arts, or in leadership, would this be a problem for your family?
There can be younger Olympians winning gold, while older Olympians earn silver, bronze, or nothing but the experience of having competed.
There are older people with younger team leaders/bosses/managers/supervisors.
Failing to acknowledge talent in younger people out of fear of older persons feeling threatened or developing hurt feelings may actually encourage older persons to complain of hurt feelings in order to hold others back. Very unhealthy, IMO.
Young people may need to be coached through their feelings of insecurity, jealousy, etc in order to develop a healthy sense of self which is not dependent solely (or in large part) on out-performing younger siblings.
When considering carefully the well-being of both children in making a decision like this, please consider that both children may be more emotionally healthy, resilient, strong, secure, and confident throughout the years if they sense your support for fully developing their gifts and talents rather than realizing that they are being manipulated into predetermined roles or performance positions relative to one another. Such manipulation works against each child developing "internal locus of control" and taking responsibility for their decisions/actions/inactions. The elder child may grow up feeling "entitled" and the younger may develop a pattern of severe underachievement.
Families are a microcosm of society. I believe it is healthier to raise children who embrace reality rather than embracing denial.
