Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Social anxiety

This is the third response I’ve tried to post- argh!

Mainly wanted to say that our DS had a very similar situation his freshman year of high school. Because of scheduling conflicts, he didn’t have friends in most of his classes. The academic fit was poor in several classes. His main social outlet, an academic team, changed significantly and lost the social aspect he previously loved. And he was extremely self-conscious.

In retrospect, I believe he was depressed, but he refused to see someone or talk about it. Like your DD, he spent most of his free time alone in his room and it was very difficult to get him to do things.

Things that helped? The passage of time was probably the biggest thing. A new academic year, with better academic fit, and classes with friends. Joining a high school academic team, that is very collaborative and social, with lots of scheduled practices and meetings, ensuring that he participated even when he wasn’t feeling it. Some “forced performance” situations. He was placed in a quintet that performed regularly- very uncomfortable for him, but he loved the music and the group, so he did it. And a strong public speaking component to our curriculum- again, uncomfortable, but very valuable in that he learned he is capable and actually not so bad at it. We also respect that he is a strong introvert, and will always need that down time, often alone, to recharge. Times like vacation, or team trips, are especially challenging in this regard, but helping him feel OK about needing that down time was important.

Regarding the anemia, do you think your DD is eating well? We discovered that our DS, a picky vegetarian, lost 30 pounds that year. Thankfully there was no evidence of an eating disorder, I believe it was related to depression, but both are things to keep in mind.

I would persue an evaluation for depression, if it wasnt addressed in the earlier visit; I wish we had pushed DS harder on this. I still feel like we are lucky things turned around as they did. I would keep looking for groups/activities that might engage your DD and help her find her people, where there is some structure that encourages participation. And hopefully more upper level classes as she enters high school will be a better fit. Spending the majority of the day dis-engaged is not an easy way to grow up😕.