I'm familiar with encounters with the medical system for other issues, and I feel your angst.

Originally Posted by SaturnFan
They are usually surprised he can even count. I'm not sure why his chart doesn't have his IQ on it. I have shared it with them. DS has actually expressed feeling very insulted by the way some doctors have treated him. Autism does not equal cognitive impairment.
Have you mentioned this to the doctors? I believe I would, in the interests of establishing a mutually respectful doctor-patient relationship. The Gifted Homeschooler's Forum (GHF) offers complimentary brochures in downloadable PDF format, which are excellent. These two come to mind:
1) Healthcare Providers Guide to Gifted Children
2) Twice Exceptional - SMART KIDS WITH LEARNING DIFFERENCES
There are other valuable links on that GHF web page, including:
- Professionals Guide to Gifted and 2e Children,
- Mental Health.

Originally Posted by SaturnFan
... CBT for my son, but they said no. They did however work with his dad on parenting skills, which helped a bit. But it was all behavioral stuff as usual.
Have you read some of the CBT materials which others have linked to? I'm no expert but have read a lot of those materials over the years, and even purchased some. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy includes being aware of your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations just prior to misbehavior... so one can consciously decide to check ones's self when triggered... and make different choices. Learning positive self-talk is an important skill. Similar to picking up social skills easily (as if by osmosis, through casual observations of everyday situations), learning this can be automatic for most people, while others may benefit from direct teaching and reinforcement. It is possible that you and your spouse having copies of these materials may help you work together in a consistent manner to be supportive of your child's development in this area.

Originally Posted by SaturnFan
Too bad there is no program to match a provider with a patient's insurance!
If this matching service does exist, I hope that after reading your post someone helps you find access to it. If it does not exist... your post provides a hint for someone to jump on the opportunity to create this important service. In case it may be of help, here is a link to a post including information about transparent medical costs... obtaining medical costs proactively.