With the exception of #7, each listed sin has been committed by each of my 3 kids. The issue is really frequency and the severity of your DD's dysfunction. One of mine is brain damaged and does not have the requisite level of executive functions so it would have been cruel to let him fail. Another child has high EF but will still occasionally sin so natural consequences is the only way to go. The final child has very obvious EF defects but is managing fine at this point. At early to mid elementary, his high EF sibling helped, which is a luxury most kids don't have. When I felt that he had reached the point where he was capable but it was very difficult, I let him (potentially fail). It was late elementary to early middle school. He got one B in third and another B in fourth due to poor EF that I could have fixed but refused to advocate for him. They were painful lessons but in the long run it was beneficial for him because he cares about his grades. I still did spend a lot of time and effort scaffolding through 6th grade to make sure he understood what he needed to do but I did not fix his potential failures or took the responsibility for task completion. I stepped back by seventh grade and almost completely left him alone by eighth grade with the understanding that I will provide input only if he falls down on the job. There was one quarter where he was showing a zero average in one class because everything had to be turned in at a certain time in a certain place all at once and he missed the original boat and the teacher requested that I intervene. I did send one email explanation to the teacher but then made DS communicate directly with the teacher afterwards when he missed his second shot to submit everything. To be fair, the procedure in that class was very confusing and many students had gotten their only Bs in that class the previous quarter. DS was very lucky that he still ended up with an A that quarter but it was very stressful for him for a couple of weeks while he self-advocated a number of times and eventually "fixed" everything. The teacher may have been lenient in his case because she did not want to give him an F for the quarter when she already knew he completed the work (having seen the finished products during class). So I don't have any great ideas as the only things that have worked for us was letting him suffer the consequences after showing him all the tools. His EF is still obviously bad but he has his own system (and prefers it that way) and has been limping along if that makes sense.
Last edited by Quantum2003; 10/12/17 09:02 PM.
