Welcome to the forums astronomama. You've received great advice above already, I have just a few thoughts to add. I'll also mention up front - I'm not a professional, only a parent with two children who are identified as 2e.
Re giving meds at a young age - I've worked with a few kids who were obviously ADHD and who obviously benefited from taking medication. I know medication works when administered appropriately. As a parent, I'd want to know the possible side effects of any meds before agreeing to them - for instance, one of my children is extremely anxious, and we were cautioned against letting a dr prescribe stimulants because they could potentially ramp up anxiety. I would also, from personal experience, want to first exclude any other possible diagnoses which might be presenting symptoms similar to ADHD.
Both of my 2e children were thought to have ADHD by professionals (either teachers or doctors) who observed them in one setting, but after being evaluated through neuropsych evals, were found to not have ADHD, but instead have different challenges which exhibited some symptoms in common with ADHD. For both of my children, had we first gone with the ADHD diagnosis, we would have missed valuable time accommodating and remediating the actual challenge, and now looking back in time, my one wish is that we'd had a correct diagnosis much earlier in each of their lives.
There are a few mentions re age of diagnosis above - my children are almost grown up, but back when they were young ADHD wasn't diagnosed until children were in school - prior to school age, children were thought to be too young, and diagnosis also depended upon the child exhibiting the same behaviors in two settings (typically school and home). At some point in time (I don't remember exactly when), I believe that the organization which most pediatricians belong to in the US (also can't remember the name of the org!)... came out with a revised set of guidelines re ADHD diagnosis and recommended diagnosing before school age was ok and also appropriate, because it allowed children to receive help before they went through needless years of dealing with untreated ADHD.
I wonder if, in part, if your ds' eagerness to treat is related to his recent discovery that he has ADHD (I hope I read the info you posted correctly). One thing I found when my children were young and we were in the process of trying to figure out what was going on with them - was that, at least in our local area, there were doctors that we could go to who would diagnose ADHD. That was the sole center of their practice, yet most professionals at the time felt ADHD should be a diagnosis made only after other possible diagnoses had been ruled out.
Last note - you mentioned he's been kicked out of a preschool. While 4 year olds can be crazy, quirky, wild, etc - most 4 year olds don't get kicked out of preschool. It sounds like he's had a big challenge of some sort. Have you tried a different type of preschool setting? For example, was his first preschool academic or play-based? Were the teachers kind and caring or not-so-much? Have you observed him having trouble getting along with children his age outside of preschool? We don't need to know the answers to those questions, but they are questions to consider. One thing I found as the parent of a 2e child early on is that I didn't see that there were actual challenges, I only say the "different" behaviors as cute, quirky and part of his personality. Often I attributed them to his intellectual gifts, which were obvious when he talked. I didn't realize a child could be extremely high-IQ and also have very real challenges... and I wish I had. By the time my ds was diagnosed he was in the second half of second grade, and he'd been through so much internal anxiety over the things he was struggling with that went unrecognized by the adults in his life... he was having panic attacks and on the verge of a serious depression. Had we recognized his challenges at 4, we'd have been able to transition him into elementary school with proper support and accommodations, and that would have made a *huge* positive difference in his life. He's very close to heading off to college now, but the fall-out from his years of early struggles has left a lasting impact that he's still struggling with today in spite of having made amazing strides.
Sorry I've rambled on so long - I wish you much luck with getting a better understanding of what's going on with your ds.
Best wishes,
polarbear
