But maybe that won't matter quite yet. I just got back from a meeting with DS4's preschool teacher. She said that there have been a number of behavior issues. He doesn't always want to follow directions, often speaks out of turn, and she tells me he is a bit combative at times. Now, he's certainly not perfect at home, but he listens quite well to me and my husband, and has listened well to reason since he was 2. This child she is describing does not sound like mine!
She said of one particular incident that he brought in a lego skeleton he built to show the class. They got in a circle, and said it was so-and-so's (a classmate's) turn to talk. DS started talking about his lego design, and the teacher repeated that it wasn't his turn and he had to wait. DS said he really wanted to talk first. The teacher said no, again, and DS said ok and sat down. Now, that actually doesn't sound super combative to me, but I was still surprised that he challenged her again, as last year he barely spoke at school! She also mentioned he often forgets to raise his hand, and doesn't always want to stop working on the project he is working on.
I've talked to him a bit about what the teacher said, though I tried not to have a negative tone. He basically said he "doesn't like that they tell me what to do all the time"...
I'm thinking to myself that I don't want to raise a kid who just does whatever he's told and never asks questions, but I also want him be respectful of his teachers. And how do I help him navigate this stuff when he doesn't act this way at home?
The main reason I'm worrying is that in the meeting they suggested he move to the 5 year old preschool in their school next year instead of Kindergarten. They said they have zero worries about the academic/cognitive side (and for some reason he doesn't even do half the "academic" stuff at school that he does at home), but had concerns about the behavior readiness. I feel like I want whatever is best for him, but I don't know that waiting ANOTHER year for K would be good for him either... (at least on the academic side of things)
Has anyone run into an issue like this?
In fact, maybe the testing and choice of learning environment will matter more at this point.
We ran into a similar problem with DS6 - the school wanted to keep him back for a second year of K because of his lagging social skills and poor fine motor skills. I personally think it's a terrible idea. The mismatch in academic skills would only be exacerbated and behaviour would get worse. We refused to hold him back and had him tested in grade 1 because we wanted to be able to request differentiation for him to lessen the behaviour. The enrichment isn't enough currently, but he's doing ok.
A few other thoughts:
- You may be encountering a bit of asynchronous development on his part, which is apparently common for GC.
- This "combative" behaviour probably stems from the fact that he is probably a strong independent thinker. Whereas you likely understand and respect his advanced thinking skills, the teachers would expect compliance. He does need to learn to "get along" in a classroom setting, but he may struggle with this because the rules probably need to make sense to him. We had a major problem with DS6 at home and at school, but he has now gotten used to the routine and is doing much better. I feel like he has now struck a much healthier balance of independence vs. respect for the teacher and the class.
- As a boy, his social skills may be developing a bit more slowly and he'll likely catch up. Now in grade 2, DS6's social skills are greatly improved, even if they still need work.
Good luck!
