Hello! I'm hoping for a little advice. I'm not sure whether or not to test my son for giftedness. I'm a bit all over the place so please bear with me!

He is 4.5 and in preschool (a play-based preschool). He has given me and those around us reasons to believe he may be gifted. He has deep interests, incredible focus and attention span when he is interested in something, can do puzzles (jigsaw and logic) beyond his normal age (80 piece at 2.5, and at 3 found the game "Rush Hour" at my mom's and could correctly set up the game and get that little red car out for more than half of the level cards). He is extremely creative in his play and problem solving (according to his preschool teachers - He's my first so sometimes I'm not sure what is normal). He is very articulate in his feelings and thoughts, and says things that blow me away sometimes!

He can do quite complex legos on his own and loves building his own designs, quite detailed and usually with cool moving parts. He will listen to books longer than my throat can handle reading, haha! Wind in the Willows, Stuart Little, as well as lots of non-fiction about space (his favorite at the moment). He corrects us if we read the wrong word after reading a picture book once or twice. We also play a game he loves where I say a random, unimportant line from a book and he guesses which book it is from.

He seems to have a great number sense as well - can do basic addition and subtraction in his head, can count to 88 (not sure if he can go higher since he always wants to stop at his "favorite number"). And when introduced to what I think is a new concept for him, he just seems to already know a lot about it.

However, he doesn't have a huge interest in reading by himself, which always seems like the first thing people talk about when mentioning giftedness.

I would normally not do anything until he is tested in school (2nd grade, I believe?), and then go from there. However, we are currently renting and ready to settle down in one of the many towns in the area. The thing is, our state has no mandated gifted program, or funding for gifted programs. Some of the towns near us have private schools that could be good for gifted children (though the cost is a bit nauseating!), and one has a gifted program in their public schools.

However, I feel it's a little extreme to choose a town for a program that I have no idea if my child would even qualify for. It also seems a little premature to have him tested, as the program in that public school doesn't start until 2nd grade.

But sometimes searching for a house is so stressful for me because I have a feeling about him, but just don't know! And I know the future holds a whole lot that we don't know about, but I still feel stressed about it for some reason.

Do you think I need to just pick the regular district and then have our family move if we end up needing to go to the district with gifted services? The regular district is closer to work, and less expensive, so unless we were taking advantage of the gifted services, it wouldn't make a lot of sense for us to live there (though not a crazy commute, and not totally out of our budget).

Sometimes I feel like if we have him tested, and he's an average little boy, I can just relax and get on with life and forget about that stress! And if he did turn out to be gifted, then I would know better how to support him as he goes through school.

That was much longer than expected... so bottom line, is 4.5 too young to be tested?

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I had one tested at a few months shy of five but I wouldn't do it again.

To be honest I would move somewhere you like not because he may not be gifted but because the programme may no longer exist when he needs it and/or there may be a better fit. Gifted programmes often don't work for gifted children and are very suspectible to the latest pet educational theory.

Yeah, I wish there was something that really drew us to one of the places - but so far nothing has really swayed us one way or another. I was thinking maybe what the schools offered would tip the scale, but I'm not sure which route to go.

Was the testing a bad experience for your child? Or was it unreliable/not useful?

Sounds like you have a wonderful child, and I'm very familiar with the difficulty of deciding about schooling while the kids are so young. My kids, both under six, haven't been tested, and everything I've read is that unless there is a need to test (possibility of disability or behavior problem), or a use for the test (such qualification for a specific program), testing is not necessary or indeed useful.

For your immediate schooling question, definitely don't assume that the district with gifted services is better. Our school has no gifted services, and I couldn't imagine a better fit for our ages. Do pick the better school, but base it on teacher quality, turnover, resources, and part of the discussion can include advanced kids -- but that's not the whole story of any school.

We tested at 6.5 because school was not going well at all and we needed help. For the most part DS enjoyed the testing but there were times where he wasn't the most cooperative. He spent some of the time sitting until the table and throwing things while I cringed thinking about how much money we were spending a minute. In the end I will say it was worth it for us because it pointed us in the right directions (gifted/probable LD). If we weren't having major issues with school, I would have loved to hold off until he was more cooperative/mature. We ended up having to retest him a little over 2 years later to confirm his LD diagnosis since the first round wasn't conclusive. He also tested considerably more gifted the second time around which seems to match our experience so I think this is more accurate. The first round kind of gave me a false sense of - oh he's not that out there so he'll be ok in a regular class with some enrichment... that didn't work out so well.

With DD we waited until things went off the rails at school and until she was 7.5 in the hopes of avoiding two rounds of testing. She was also much more cooperative/mature than DS was at that age but even she needed reminders to refocus and stay on task. I do think we got reasonably accurate scores for her though.

It can be challenging to get accurate results for young kids. I would also check the potential schools to see if they will accept outside WPPSI testing. We have some schools here that only accept WISC (starts at age 6) as well as some that only accept results less than 2 years old for example. If the school will pay for retesting that might be fine but if you have to pay for two rounds it adds up. I would also recommend checking what the schools use to test - some of the group screening style ones aren't always the most accurate especially for 2E or HG+ kiddos.

I would also recommend taking a deep look at what these schools mean by "gifted" programs. There are huge varieties out there. Some take the top 10%, 5%, 2% or 0.4%. There is a big difference between those ranges. Some gifted programs are also more geared towards the high achieving gifted kid which is great if that is what you have but not so great if you have a 2E highly asynchronous PG kid on your hands for example.

Testing is reliable with the right person, but w/o something that needs addressing or needing eligibility for something, I'd probably wait until later too. We had our daughter evaluated at 5.5 b/c 1) her school goes through kindergarten so we're deciding where to go next and 2) it was recommended by a dev pedi we saw initially b/c we wondered about ADHD

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences - I will be touring a few schools soon and will keep those thoughts in my head as I ask questions.

I don't think there was such thing as a "right person" for the 6.5 year old version of DS... he was (and in some ways still is) a fun one. We actually used the same tester for all 3 rounds of testing because she actually did do an amazing job with what he was throwing at her the first round (both literally and figuratively). I've watched many, many adults fail far worse

If you do test early, just go into it with the understanding that it may be recommended that re-testing be done between 8-10, due to the potential instability of earlier scores (lower or higher). Even when I had DD tested at 7, they recommended testing again later. But we're just going to see how the school testing turns out (achievement and CogAT) before seeing if we need to followup in order to access services.

I, personally, placed a high value on 'decent' school zone when we needed to move, when my DC were under school age, only knowing they were suspected GT. We didn't end up in the rumored 'best' districts, because of commute and cost, and that was okay. We weighed a lot of factors, not just schools (commute time, housing prices, taxes, flexibility for future employment changes, kids in the neighborhood, schools, etc). The real issue will come down to who is at the school when your child is there, and that can shift yearly, just as the child's needs can shift. Our district is a growing one, adding schools and shifting teachers around. Programs can be cut, you just can't count on that. What you can count on is your own involvement and knowledge, and that your awareness and feeding your child's interests, reading, all of that will contribute to a love of learning.

If the zone that has the gifted school is within your grasp, and fits your other desires and limitations, so that if the child doesn't 'fit' within a gifted school format, are the rest of the schools in that district decent enough to make the choice easier? If it's one program in one school in an otherwise less desirable area (too far from work, family, etc), it makes it tougher!

Being where you are now (like here, earlier than I was), you will be able to go in knowing what to advocate for, understanding your child's needs, and that will make a big difference.

Well said!

We tested but mainly to get into a local enrichment weekend program. For around 100-200$, they performed KBIT and KTEA. I was quite surprised when she ended up at the 99.8 percentile and average of 2 years ahead. Even if it was not completely accurate, it was directionally correct and did influence our decision to move to a better school district. When she got into school, I pretty much let the school identify her themselves, and they figured out she was different within the first 2 weeks of kindergarten.

Now, our son is only 2 and not sure yet whether or not we would test him when he gets to 4-5. We are already in a good school district where his sister's capabilities are well known...it will probably depend on if he needs the enrichment like his sister needed.

We wanted to 'just add water and watch it grow' with our DD.

Alas, it was not to be.

We ended up testing because our DD was having such behavioral problems after school that we did it out of desperation to try to find a possible explanation.

We got our explanation.

DS was tested at 6, because we already knew the academic environment he would enter in our local schools and we had concerns. We wanted to plan and find suitable programming for him earlier than we had for DD. Older DD had just tested DYS-level and we didn't want to be surprised a second time. DS was very mature for his age and extremely cooperative when tested. Definitely worthwhile in our case.

Best of luck - whatever you decide!

Thank you again for all your advice. I just phoned some schools in the area and none of them allow tours... But I'll try to see if they'll let me e-mail a few questions.

But maybe that won't matter quite yet. I just got back from a meeting with DS4's preschool teacher. She said that there have been a number of behavior issues. He doesn't always want to follow directions, often speaks out of turn, and she tells me he is a bit combative at times. Now, he's certainly not perfect at home, but he listens quite well to me and my husband, and has listened well to reason since he was 2. This child she is describing does not sound like mine!

She said of one particular incident that he brought in a lego skeleton he built to show the class. They got in a circle, and said it was so-and-so's (a classmate's) turn to talk. DS started talking about his lego design, and the teacher repeated that it wasn't his turn and he had to wait. DS said he really wanted to talk first. The teacher said no, again, and DS said ok and sat down. Now, that actually doesn't sound super combative to me, but I was still surprised that he challenged her again, as last year he barely spoke at school! She also mentioned he often forgets to raise his hand, and doesn't always want to stop working on the project he is working on.

I've talked to him a bit about what the teacher said, though I tried not to have a negative tone. He basically said he "doesn't like that they tell me what to do all the time"...
I'm thinking to myself that I don't want to raise a kid who just does whatever he's told and never asks questions, but I also want him be respectful of his teachers. And how do I help him navigate this stuff when he doesn't act this way at home?

The main reason I'm worrying is that in the meeting they suggested he move to the 5 year old preschool in their school next year instead of Kindergarten. They said they have zero worries about the academic/cognitive side (and for some reason he doesn't even do half the "academic" stuff at school that he does at home), but had concerns about the behavior readiness. I feel like I want whatever is best for him, but I don't know that waiting ANOTHER year for K would be good for him either... (at least on the academic side of things)

Has anyone run into an issue like this?

A point I have made before, on behalf of my own children, and also on behalf of my students, is that keeping a very bright, active child in a less academic environment may be helpful from a social-emotional/executive function development perspective, but may also exacerbate undesirable behaviors, because they have even less to engage them, which forces them to create additional ways to keep themselves engaged, many of which may not fit into the classroom expectations.

That is, keeping him in another year of preschool may make the behavior worse, instead of better.

We had 5 years of negative behaviour, it all miraculously went away when DS was moved into a congregated classroom where he was actually engaged for the first time...

This. Times a million.

In fact, maybe the testing and choice of learning environment will matter more at this point.

We ran into a similar problem with DS6 - the school wanted to keep him back for a second year of K because of his lagging social skills and poor fine motor skills. I personally think it's a terrible idea. The mismatch in academic skills would only be exacerbated and behaviour would get worse. We refused to hold him back and had him tested in grade 1 because we wanted to be able to request differentiation for him to lessen the behaviour. The enrichment isn't enough currently, but he's doing ok.

A few other thoughts:

- You may be encountering a bit of asynchronous development on his part, which is apparently common for GC.

- This "combative" behaviour probably stems from the fact that he is probably a strong independent thinker. Whereas you likely understand and respect his advanced thinking skills, the teachers would expect compliance. He does need to learn to "get along" in a classroom setting, but he may struggle with this because the rules probably need to make sense to him. We had a major problem with DS6 at home and at school, but he has now gotten used to the routine and is doing much better. I feel like he has now struck a much healthier balance of independence vs. respect for the teacher and the class.

- As a boy, his social skills may be developing a bit more slowly and he'll likely catch up. Now in grade 2, DS6's social skills are greatly improved, even if they still need work.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your own experiences, I really appreciate it!

I think "strong independent thinker" definitely describes him. He has huge, elaborate plans in his head and gets very excited about them. He also does feel like he has to change what he's doing a lot, so that must be stressful or at least annoying from his point of view. I'm thinking (hoping) some of these issues will resolve as he gets a little older, and will be able to balance what he wants vs what the class/his teachers are doing. He isn't getting overly worked up (no crying, yelling, etc) so it seems he's handling the best he can right now.

Aeh - I do feel like he could very easily have equal or worse behavior issues if he is held.

Portia - I agree. I would love to know what needs of his aren't being met so I could help. I quickly feel like an annoying mom when I ask him about school so I need a better tactic than that, haha!