Thanks for explaining what's going on - that helps
Since you're trying to make a case for attending a SN school next year, you might ask the school how they would address explaining why it's important to remediate now, what the risks of not remediating are, and why "mild" doesn't mean "ignore".
I also think that if you google around a bit, you can find studies that illustrate the risk of not remediating LDs... I'm sorry I don't have any at hand at the moment, but when my ds was in elementary school I remember seeing quite a few of these - for instance, studies that speculate that a significant proportion of people incarcerated in the US have unrecognized/unremediated LDs. I have an acquaintance who has a ds who was suspected of having a reading LD in elementary school (school staff picked up on it), but his parents didn't want to admit it. The mom suspected their might be something to it, but the dad was adamant nothing needed to be looked into, and the mom didn't really *want* there to be an LD so she let the dad make the decisions re ignoring it. This student is the same age as my ds; he's had so *so* many issues in high school - dropped out for awhile, been in trouble with the law etc. I of course have *no* idea if this is in any way related to a potential LD, but this student never did very well in school, and school just kept getting more and more difficult as he went into higher grade levels, to the point that he found it easier to give up than to continue to struggle with difficult work. I'll always wonder a bit if he wasn't dyslexic or doesn't have some other LD that he's struggling with.
I don't know if you've thought through this yet, but dyslexia and dysgraphia sometimes appear to have a genetic component. Do you know of any other dyslexic/dysgraphic people in either you or your exh's family? If there's a relative you can think of who your exh might be able to relate to, is it possible there's a story with that relative that might help pull your ds' situation into perspective? Or even possibly a relative who might understand your perspective and possibly help your exh see it from the point of view of an adult who's struggled with an LD?
I would still tend to stay away from phrasing things as "mild" vs "severe" when talking about your ds' LD. Focus on stating how it impacts him.
I also would point out the cumulative potential toll of waiting to remediate dyslexia - I can see this in my own dyslexic dd. She went undiagnosed until 3rd grade, and she's had intensive reading tutoring since 4th grade. She now reads (technically) above grade level, but the impact of those early years shows *all over the place*. First and foremost, she's lost vocabulary acquisition relative to her nt peers who didn't have to struggle to learn to read. While dd was working with her tutor to catch up, her peers were continually moving forward, reading more, and constantly acquiring new vocabulary. Even though dd reads ahead of grade level now, she's just recently finished 6th grade and the difference I see in her vocabulary bank vs those of her siblings who aren't dyslexic is really significant. The second significant impact is simply that she doesn't enjoy reading - so even though she *can* read now, she's still not reading for pleasure and she avoids reading for knowledge whenever she can - which continues to impact her vocabulary bank as well as her general knowledge bank. Not being able to read the same books peers are reading also starts to impact self image relatively early on - not just from feeling like you can't read, but with my dd, it limited her participation in peer conversations - starting when her same-grade peers started reading series books like Warriors etc - dd actually tried to pretend she was reading those books, based on listening to her older siblings talk about them or listening to other kids - she'd fake it. It mattered to her to fit in, and dyslexia made that tough. Same for my ds with dysgraphia.
One other thing about dyslexia (which is only anecdotal coming from me, but you might be able to google around and find info on it) - my dyslexic dd lost ground over where she could/should have been achieving in other subjects before her dyslexia was remediated because she misunderstood directions when doing homework and taking tests.
Re the regression in spelling - how was that regression measured? Are you certain he's regressed in what he can spell, or is it a function of how a test was administered? I only ask that because my dysgraphic ds could usually spell well on spelling tests (oral and written), but couldn't spell worth a dang while writing. Even with keyboarding he relies a lot on spell-check and word prediction. Some words like they're/there/their etc he's never learned how to spell the correct version at the correct time. Anyway, I think it's important to be able to pinpoint for certain - has his spelling regressed, or is something impacting his ability to use his spelling ability. In *either* case, you need to deal with it, but it will probably make it easier to address the what to do if you know for sure what's up.
Re making the case to send your ds to the school you're interested in - if it's a public school within your school district, are you able to get a recommendation from your ds' current IEP team?
Sorry that all of this is more food-for-thought than advice on how to word things - I hope you're able to get through to your exh and get your ds the help through school that he needs.
Best wishes,
polarbear
