Wow! First of all thank you all for your really helpful thoughts. My daughter works hard and I work hard with her and it's really depressing that people outside her family don't just not see that, they actually see the opposite--and it is equally depressing that all the work we do actually takes her further away from being able to receive help and understanding at school.
I don't know anyone who understands, and being able to hear from other people who have been there...I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.
Questions22, My understanding of the DOWE is that it was based on the discrepancy in his writing scores on the WJ achievement tests vs his ability scores on the WISC, which measure discrete tasks such as spelling rather than extended written expression, which is more often evaluated with the Test of Written Language (TOWL)...request that she be evaluated for an expressive language disorder by her school, or get her a private evaluation
I think the "he" is meant for us, which would be "she," right? I didn't quite say it right. She had the typical WISC issue. 99%ile performance and verbal, very low processing speed (I think is was 16 or 18%ile and non-problematic working memory. With WJIII, I don't remember all the scores. They weren't all 99%ile but every non-fluency score that wasn't writing based was high 90s. Even the writing non-fluency test was like 95%ile but I think the fluency test on that one was something like 12%ile. The fluency scores across the board were low. Reading fluency wasn't bad, but it wasn't great and she's been officially tested at 4 years above grade level, so that says something. She is slow in life in general--and thoughtful--she doesn't rush to answer questions and sounds very much like your child, Polar Bear. She also has a difficult time getting words out of her mouth. Not terribly difficult, but it takes her a longer time to get things out than most kids.
I'd like to know more about the TOWL. Does it test full paragraphs or just short sentences? Also, what tests for expressive language?
Also, just an interesting incident to relay. My daughter is definitely on her own team when it comes to working to make things better for herself. We've been working together to deal with things for years now. So I read your messages with her and we talked about them.
We talked about how it felt to try hard and then have someone tell you that they "just want you to try." And that led to the idea of maybe just not trying so hard when it comes to drawing that she has no energy left for other things. That maybe when a teacher told her to just try, she should tell herself NOT to try.
The conversation went something like this:
Mom: Yeah, so that way you conserve your energy.
Daughter: Like when my teacher asked me if I wanted to try drawing flags for my flag project, I said no and she said that was okay, and that made things easier. So when teachers tell me to draw, I should just say "no."
Mom: Well, not exactly, that would probably make some teachers mad because they don't really understand what's going on. I was thinking that when a teacher told you to "just try" you could tell yourself not to try, and see what happens. Like the flag. I'll tell you that I just want you to try drawing a flag, you tell yourself not to try very hard and just draw me a flag.
Daughter: Ok.
[She draws a completely non-award winning but definitely flag looking flag.]
Mom: Did that stress you out or make you tired?
Daughter: No. I didn't try.
Mom: Okay good. Now let's not try something else.
Daughter: Like a boat? I know, you can tell me to draw a boat and instead of trying to draw a 3D pirate ship with four masts, I just wont't try to do that.
Mom: Exactly, [child's name] I just want you to try to draw a boat.
[In third person, she tells herself not to try to draw a boat and draws a perfectly fine roundish object with a sail that looks like a boat.]
So then she didn't try to draw a monster and she didn't try to draw a princess, and while neither her princess nor her monster is going to be hung up on the wall and admired from afar, they were both examples of what teachers want when they tell a kid who can't draw to "just try."
So that was interesting.
Anyway, we both thank you guys for taking the time to share your experiences.
