2) the scream-cry. This started when he was about 6 years old. It feels aggressive and directed towards us, his parents. It's difficult to not react to it, because it certainly feels as though he's the one punishing us! I am devoted, however, to allowing my son to have his feelings, and I try not to judge. But the scream-cry is very loud! VERY loud! And I worry that this type of emoting has more to do with expressing anger than sadness and that there's something fundamentally wrong that we've missed. Do any of you experience the same sort of crying?
I have one "scream-cryer" (my daughter) and it's so horrible! I think of this more as a meltdown than a tantrum but whatever it is, it's awful.
Agree, it's frustration not sadness per se. Also agree, kids have to learn some strategies for managing frustration so that it's not affecting everyone around them.
When he is calm, what does he say about it? Can you get him to describe the physiology of his frustration?
I wouldn't respond punitively, but might ask him what he suggests, to avoid the "crisis." You might mind-map it, kind of flow chart style, come up with some options. The obvious non-optimal result is no Minecraft, if it's having a negative effect on the entire family. When he is calm and rational, discuss the logistics.
Also helpful is to teach some self-soothing phrases, and to also notice when he is able to not freak out, and comment on that. If he has a minor freakout, but gets it together without a major event, give positive feedback.
I think when they are really immersed in something it just feels completely unjust to them to have it taken away, and it's really hard for some kids to make the shift (executive function). So some strategies for identifying what's going on inside of himself might help. "Oh, my brain doesn't want to switch gears, but something that helps is..."
I'm not a huge fan of strict limits, but that's probably because I don't like it when someone tries to interfere with one of my current obsessions, either. Every family has to figure out what works best for them...the issue is it's much more difficult to take back freedoms once they've been issued than to do the reverse.
