Don't know if this fits for your DS, but for mine, the issue seems to be that he doesn't actually recognize what is wrong when under emotional siege, but can later put it all together and communicate. He does need help with this, though (in the form of questions, suggestions for describing what's happening...e.g. "is it like this? Or is it something different?")
This would be a really good thing to work on in tandem with a therapist.
This is exactly what happens with my DS. He goes from 0 to 60 when under stress and then cannot be rational. However, once calm, he can look back at what happened and reflect on it. And we use the question approach too, as often he cannot articulate what exactly is bothering him (or he won't want to bring it up) but he'll answer yes or no questions.
He's been in therapy for 3 years. I'll have to talk to his therapist to see if we can make some progress in these areas.
