If anyone reads this--I have an idea to toss around. I know w DS, a lot of his school behaviors have been difficult to wrap my mind around because we simply do not see them at home (or not through the same lens of school personnel).
Do you believe there is such thing as "school trauma?" This caught my attention:
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Behavior Charts Trigger Shame
One of the important outcomes of the attachment cycle being repeatedly met is the child’s belief that they are good. Children who have had this cycle met develop an understanding of the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” Children whose attachment cycles were not repeatedly met develop a sense of shame- the belief that “I’m a bad kid” or “I don’t deserve love.” These children are NOT able to distinguish the difference between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.” For children with secure attachment, getting lowered down to yellow level, or not earning a sticker, might leave them thinking “Oops. My behavior was not good. I will try harder next time. Even though my behavior was bad, I’m still a good kid.” Children with a history of harm who have developed a sense of shame about themselves believe “I’m BAD!” when they don’t earn a sticker or when their color is moved to yellow or red. Shame is such an intolerable state for children with a history of harm, and it signals to the brain that more danger is coming, that fight/flight/freeze will be triggered.
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I've observed that DS performs much better for teachers (in any venue--sports, music, etc.) who are warm and affirming by nature. I'm an attachment-styled parent.
I see kids in counseling all the time (usually w trauma, ADHD, LDs, etc.) who have internalized this "Bad Kid" thing. The way it's explained here resonates. If the pre-frontal cortex is hijacked by the limbic system and/or delayed in development...it makes sense to me that the appropriate pro-social behaviors aren't accessible under stress.
