Thanks for all your responses -- I plan to steal all your questions to use during upcoming school visits ;-) I would really appreciate hearing about gifted kids' social experiences, particularly from people who have been uprooted often or had to deal with difficult life circumstances.
My information about the new community comes second hand from relatives in the area who have their kids in neighborhood schools. Sorry if I touched a nerve regarding gifted parents -- I know it's a very, very small percentage (same in sports, music, arts) who fit the nutty helicopter profile.
His current teachers suggested that regardless of school the two most important things to look for are 1. low student to teacher ratio and 2. a school with a good "vibe" -- when you tour what are the students doing and how are the interactions with other students and teachers, and even quality of the facility itself.
My son checks in with a therapist on occasion due to anxiety -- he's been through a lot that has nothing to do with being gifted. Her recommendation is to put him in a school with less structure as in the open school. However, I have to say that if my son was completely free to design his own curriculum a large part of it would be blowing stuff up, NHL analysis and eating chocolate chip cookies. OTOH teachers that are receptive to significant parent involvement would be sort of new and exciting for us, particularly with regards to math or choosing what books or history to study.
