Thank you Polarbear for your compassionate response.
"One of my dd's has a lot *lot* of adoption-related trauma. She's also dyslexic, and when she was younger she had meltdowns that were just beyond impossible to deal with. Anxiety can be *very* tricky to understand and deal with - for instance, my dd will get very frustrated over certain types of school work that are very difficult for her, but if she gets upset *enough* (to a point where it's difficult for her to calm down), the adoption-related past trauma comes back into play and she gets really upset over that all over again which just re-fuels the already melting-down storm. My gut feeling is that perhaps what you need to consider is to proactively try to address the adoption issues (whether or not they are bothering her or she says they are bothering her) (this might not make sense - ask me to explain better if it doesn't!), and at the same time keep pursuing trying to figure out what is triggering the meltdowns. Try to get the ball rolling for the acceleration (if that's what's needed) at the very start of the school year, but don't over-worry if it's just not doable. For my kids at least, sometimes what mattered most (first) was having a parent understand what was up (even if the child hadn't been able to figure it out for themselves first)... then know that their parent was doing their best to help them. If you find out she's PG and she's still not skipped at the beginning of the next school year, having an explanation for her of why school was frustrating and letting her know you're doing everything you can to make changes to help will potentially help her a lot to cope until the changes take place."
Yes, I think this is absolutely true, and part of what is happening with her. Like this:
https://gobbelcounseling.wordpress.com/2013/06/13/trauma-doesnt-tell-time/I think I need to be way more conscious of this stuff Karyn Purvis talks about (Christian but I think applicable regardless of faith):
http://empoweredtoconnect.org/So, I don't expect that some magic solution at school is going to solve all of our problems, but I think it could be helpful at least.
So as far as details, the way to get achievement testing done is to fill out a request to accelerate form. Then the child-study team meets and says, yes, we think further testing is indicated and we will use IAS or no, we don't think it is indicated. I filled one out in kindy and they said no. This is a kid who I think has a lot of anxiety and also does not show her teachers who she is. And at that point especially she would act very silly when anxious. So, I just would 1) feel ridiculous asking them to schedule the testing before we have some more data 2) am sure they would not do it until we have more data. If I were going to pay for private testing I would do it with current very expensive psych (well...theor
FWIW the principal is very nice to work with and the skip for older dd was really smooth and easy. But when I filled out the form we already had WISC and Explore scores, plus she just presents as very mature--all of the teachers supported it.
So. Yeah. I think you are absolutely correct that there is more to it than school.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is helpful!
