Sending you and your ds a hug cammom - I'm sorry he's struggling.
I don't have much advice to add, but a few small thoughts:
DS7 (second grade) has never been easy, no doubt about that. However, his school behavior improved drastically by preK, and we had no "out of normal issues" in school until this year.
2nd grade is often the year that children who have challenges start to really bump up against "the wall" at school - it's easier for kids to not stand out as "different" in K-1 because so many of their peers are still adjusting to school and academic demands aren't really setting in yet.
Homework has been a rough start- DS has difficulty with tedious tasks and managing frustration with mistakes. (think "meltdown" when he makes a mistake).
I have two kids who appeared to melt down when they made mistakes at the same age, and I was sure it was perfectionism and personality at the time, but educational and neuropsych evals revealed it was actually a learning challenge for both of them (dysgraphia for ds, dyslexia for dd). It is so easy to *not* see this type of challenge in HG/+ kids at a young age because what is easier to see are the strengths in their intellect. For instance, it was soooo so very clear to us that our EG ds was extremely intelligent because of what he *said* verbally. It never occurred to us the reason he seemed to hesitate with written work was an LD, we thought it was perfectionism associated with being intellectually gifted.
DS has said that he's being "socially bullied" (his words)-- that the kids don't like him, won't let him play, etc.
It sounds like there are two things going on - your ds is having difficulty with social communications, and his classroom peers are in turn, bullying him. School atmosphere/personality can be huge when it comes to this type of situation - irrelevant of academics. You might find a change in school (or even just a change in classroom) would alleviate the issue with peers bullying your ds, even if he is continuing to struggle with understanding social cues. So much can change based on a teacher's attitude and how he/she deals with making sure all children are respected and included in a classroom.
We're taking DS to talk with someone and potentially an neuropsych exam. I'm just befuddled because DS will work for hours on something he loves, learns quickly, and is eager for friends. I know it sounds like ADHD or even HFA, but I'm not so sure. DS is a DYS and all of his WISC scores are in the gifted range, with the exception of processing, which is still 91st percentile.
As aufilia mentioned above, it's quite possible to be intellectually gifted and also have challenges such as ADHD or an LD or whatever. It's almost impossible as a parent to tease out what's really up without the help of a professional. I'd really *really* suggest the neuropsych eval - we were truly caught off guard by what was found in each of our dd/ds evals (we totally suspected something different for each), but having the info has been invaluable.
He said he's tried to play what the kids are playing at recess, but is not a strong athlete (and was told by the boys that he was not "allowed" to play). He seems to have some trouble understanding rough "boy play." It makes him anxious and is another reason he doesn't participate.
As the mom of a boy who isn't an athlete or "rough" by nature, I've seen how this disconnect with some boys can happen, but I'd also caution - not all boys are playing rough on the playground. When a child (boy or girl) is having a tough time making friends at school, it's worth looking beyond the typical stereotypes of thinking, it must be because the boys all play rough or "she's not interested in dolls" etc.
Our ds went through a similar thing with having a tough time making friends in elementary school - he had two good buddies in K-1, but they were put into separate classes in second grade. His buddies went on to make new friends, but ds grew increasingly socially isolated and withdrawn. For our ds, the real issue turned out to be anxiety that was leading to a severe depression - all routed in his inability to keep up at school when none of the adults around him realized what was going on. Changing out his classroom, getting him help with his challenges etc eased the anxiety. It wasn't a quick and easy path, but eventually he was able to function socially when we had the other pieces understood and accommodated.
It's just so difficult to really peel apart all the layers that may be present to get to the core of what's really going on without the help of a professional.
Wishing the best for you and your ds -
polarbear
