I have never put one of my offspring into first grade in public school, so keep in mind that I don't have any first-hand parenting observations on this topic.
I do, however have experience as an educator in public school districts ranging from high-needs to high-performing.
That being said, expectations for first grade really do vary as much as you've been told by your range of acquaintance. In the high-needs district, we had many entering first graders who were still working on basic letter sounds, after a whole year of kindergarten. In the high-performing district, we had entering kindergartners who were able readers. And in both places, everything in-between.
I would suggest going to your state website to look at the curriculum frameworks for grade 1, checking your child's elementary school website for curriculum notes, and taking advantage of any parent night, curriculum night, or back-to-school night your school holds. That might give you a better sense of what the expectations are.
Probably the biggest difference since your childhood experiences is the huge impact of state-wide mandated testing, which has tended to narrow the curriculum, and change the focus of primary-age education.
Hopefully, someone who's actually sent a child to public first grade will also respond!
