Sending you a big hug Irena! Meetings like that were always so difficult for me to sit through - but it sounds like you've made really good progress with getting AT for your ds - that's great! Please keep us updated re how he likes Co:Writer on the iPad and re what other apps he tries.
Re the teacher - we've had a teacher like that. I am not sure that anything I could have done, in that time (2nd grade for our ds) - would have changed her mind that our ds wasn't lazy, wasn't trying, and most likely had ADHD. The key is to take your mind off the teacher (I know - it' s tough!). Your ds will only be with her for the rest of this year. Keep your eye on the longer-term goals - clearly identifying challenges and finding the correct remediation, accommodations and AT. Just like you've been doing all along. You have the evaluations and data that you need to show what your ds' true challenges are - and you've shown that you can use that and keep a meeting on track and accomplish what you need to accomplish.
Sadly our 2nd grade teacher wasn't the only person we've bumped into along our journey who also thought ds' writing challenges were either laziness, not trying, ADHD, or just whiny parents. On the upside, it was never as bad as it was (in terms of perception) in 2nd grade because once we had appropriate accommodations in place it was just that much more obvious that dysgraphia and dyspraxia *were* the issues. (Warning - not always obvious to everyone - you'll most likely encounter someone who will say something like "Well, everyone can write faster and better with word prediction" - which is true - but not everyone will have the same obvious gains).
Another thing that will help make things clearer (dysgraphia etc vs ADHD) as your child matures is that the differences caused by his challenge will become more obvious. For example, it's likely his handwriting will *not* continue to improve at the rate his classmates' handwriting will etc. My ds' had a big improvement in handwriting legibility in 3rd grade when he went through OT, and he also learned how to write in cursive in 4th/5th grade when his class was practicing it every day. So at that point in time, his teachers were very quick to try to tell us his handwriting was "ok". By the time he was in 6th grade, his printing still looked like it did at the end of his 3rd grade OT - good enough for 3rd grade, but very obviously not a 6th graders typical printing when you compared it to his peers. And all that cursive - he totally forgot how to do it over summer break - and he's never relearned it. Those things are NOT typical of either neurotypical kids or students with ADHD and no other challenges. So my gut feeling is you'll eventually see that type of thing - more obvious symptoms, and easier to identify as clearly dysgraphia etc symptoms. It's not that the symptoms are getting worse, just that they become easier to identify and understand as your child matures.
I hope that doesn't sound discouraging - it's not meant to be. And keep in mind, at the same time the symptoms are becoming more obvious, he's going to be making progress because he has access to AT and because as he matures he'll begin to understand himself so much more and begin to figure out for himself what works and what doesn't work - and eventually he'll have his own voice to advocate with.
One thing that's been helpful for us to do along the way is to continue to keep samples of ds' writing with and without accommodations. When a teacher insists on bringing up things such as lack of focus, distractibility etc in a meeting like you've just experienced, I just ignore those points and pull out the examples which show there is clearly an issue with dysgraphia.
It also might be helpful to show the chart I used to have (and really need to find again lol!) that shows the overlap in symptoms between DCD, ADHD, and ASD. I will try to find that for you as soon as school gets out (I'm busy up to my gills until then!).
Best wishes,
polarbear
