This is something I've thought about a lot, but I have a different starting point and perhaps a different set of assumptions to you.
My DS10 is (as I was) conscientious to a fault. When someone in authority tells him to jump he's more likely to ask "how high?" than "why?", and he risks attaching disproportionate importance to things that are formally assessed, whether or not they matter.
So about a year ago, when DS's school started handing out "effort grades" I wrote him a long letter about effort. It said things like:
- Parents (and teachers) often say that they want children to try their best at all times. That's nonsense. Nobody can do that. If you take that as your ideal, either you collapse, or, more likely, you get very good at fooling yourself that you're trying your best when you're not.
- It's really important to notice how much effort you're putting into something and be honest with yourself about it.
- Putting lots of effort in and getting poor results happens, and may be a sign that you should seek help; putting in little effort and getting good results happens too, and may be a sign that you'd learn more doing something harder.
- You have a choice about where you put your effort. Your choice has consequences. Sometimes, when you're a child, your choice will be limited by others - but we'll try to leave you some choice.
- Learn to think explicitly about what the consequences are. What will happen if you don't put maximum effort into something? Does that thing matter to you?
In particular, in the circumstance you describe, I'd be making sure he understood the "rules of the game" - how he got lower marks than he could have done because he didn't choose to engage with the question in the way the marker was prepared to award marks for. I would be contradicting any tendency to see this as a moral failing.
