We never directly referred to "it" as being "gifted" (in those words) when ds was young. He did notice - and honestly I remember being very aware of feeling smarter than most of the other kids at school most of my childhood. I used to worry what would happen when I grew up, if I couldn't find other smart people to hang out with and get married too... which didn't turn out to be such an issue once I was in college, but it was something that was on my mind a lot when I was younger.
We first talked about being intellectually gifted when ds was around 5-4 years old, and he was frustrated trying to explain something to one of his friends. That brought out a torrent of frustration and confusion he'd been holding inside, not really understanding why other kids didn't catch on to concepts as quickly as he did, or didn't understand what he was talking about at times. So we explained being intellectually gifted in terms of the bell curve, and showed him roughly where he fell on the curve. That really worked for ds.
When he was older (just in the past few years, in middle school and moving on into high school), he's begun to ask to see his actual psych reports etc. For him, a big part of it is being 2e - I don't know that he'd have asked to see the reports if they'd only been testing for IQ - but being 2e, he's now old enough to be involved in advocating for himself, as well as he's reached an age where he wants to intellectually understand what makes up his second "e".
The other thing that happened as he got older was programs he was involved in started being labelled "gifted" or "talented" so we added those words into the mix, but also with a caveat - that gifts and talents come in many different forms.
Somehow, he is 5+ years ahead in reading, vocab and comprehension, but doesn't get pull out for that. (Stupid public school criteria).
I know it doesn't make sense - but I think it happens a lot. It certainly happened with my kids in our local schools. Don't know if it helps, but fwiw, I wouldn't worry too much about this - in the long run, it didn't seem to make any difference at all for my kids, other than my dd who actually struggled with reading.
As he has no friends now, but knows he's different (has for 1+ years); I'm wondering if more explanation would help him feel better.
More of an explanation will probably help - it helped my ds. OTOH, I wouldn't just stop with more of an explanation or assume that moving schools is going to solve this (although it might!). I'd try to look for activities outside of school that are interesting for your ds - we often found that is was easier to find HG/+ kids at things outside of school, and even if you don't find friends there, it will at least (hopefully) be fun and intellectually stimulating.
He also wants to speak to the head of the new school again to get more info about how the school is different from his current school. I'm wondering if he's looking for more answers/ info about giftedness.
Whether he's looking for more info about giftedness or just wanting to learn more about the new school, I think it's a good idea to let him talk to the principal - I hope the principal is willing to talk to him!
Best wishes,
polarbear
