Originally Posted by Dude
I think the idea of "first choice" changes quite a bit once the acceptance letters are in, and financial reality begins.

And that's why there's all the hype. Even for the kids who are more interested in the state flagship, we've been telling kids for generations that if they earn top grades and/or excel in the right extracurriculars, they'll earn enough scholarships/grants to pay for college. That particular lie has gotten bigger every year.

Nailed it.

Here, it's not even about ATTENDING one of those institutions (though parents here will happily mortgage themselves to do it, of course)... it's about something more akin to conspicuous consumption, translated into parenting. It's very odd. This is why I maintain that this is VERY much abusive IMO, and it is also very much about the parents' ego, and not about the kids' best interests in anything but the most superficial of ways.

It's not that there is anything wrong with Russian math afterschooling (or anything else); and particularly not for children with innate high ability.

It's that parents feel that they need to TELL others that they're doing it... and to imply that all of the "good" parents care enough to do this kind of thing to-- er, for their children... (right... that's what I meant-- FOR them).

This leads to a parental (and student) feeding frenzy about the "right" activities, in sufficient quantity, in order to produce the right "recipe" or something. DD sees a lot of this type of kid in her volunteering and leadership activities-- they are DEFINITELY doing it because they feel pressured to, not because there is anything like intrinsic motivation driving them to do so.

Parents eventually figure out that there is no "magic" here-- and that the only real "trick" is more-more-more-more-more... which they then tell their kids.

Alongside that (at least around here) we have teachers and high school guidance counselors that are complicit in this carnival ride, convincing students that an ELITE college is the only kind that is actually of any significance... and WOW, your paltry one sport, and single volunteering gig is HARDLY going to get you in THERE, now, is it? Maybe you should have taken up fencing, flint-knapping and the sackbutt or something a few years back... the sackbutt. Now there is a scholarship instrument if ever there were one...

grin

Yes, I'm being deliberately ridiculous, but that is because it HAS gotten that ridiculous. I know many parents who chose their elementary-aged kids' band instruments (or orchestral ones) on the basis of FUTURE SCHOLARSHIP potential. They seem like otherwise normal, middle-class parents. And wow, aren't a lot of them going to be shocked when colleges don't care about a bumper crop of oboists.

Last edited by HowlerKarma; 04/04/14 08:42 AM.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.