Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy My Recollections

Reading this board over the weekend has brought back a lot of memories from my childhood.

I want to provide some background, a specific recollection as a DS6/7 of dealing with the Public School and then some general comments.

First, my parents divorced when I was 3. My dad was a highly trained aircract mechanic who served 17 years in the Army. My mother had a degree in English. My mom was also an unstable person - she often left me with my grandmother from my infancy on so she could go have a good time for weeks at a time. We moved around a lot ( just about every year ) and her personal life and job superseded her duties as a mom. She was also very good at arguing and my dad could not deal with that.

You have to read the following with the above as background and realize that it tended to increase the chances that I would fall between the cracks.

My mother did nothing special for me other than reading to me on occasion. My earliest memories ( 2 years old ) are watching her read and having her read to me. Once I was 5, that ended and she had her life to live. By age 8 I was cooking my own meals using a cookbook and by the time I was 13 I cooked at home most of the time. Same for other household tasks including shopping and laundry.

I was in private Montessori school where I was with kids in grades 4-7 until the 2d grade where I was put into 2d grade at a public school. I recall sitting in class looking at the "see spot run" books and wondering why spot was running all the time. I had a huge sinking feeling.

I wanted to read my Jack London books and the teacher took it and my other books away from me.

My silence in class was diagnosed as a speech or learning disorder. Furthermore, my reading without an adult to help meant I had weird pronunciations. "Rendezvous" was "Rindezvus", etc.

They brought in a speech therapist and that lasted just two sessions. She was so kind to me - she would bring in books from middle school and we would read them together during our hour once a week. She showed me how to use the phonetic spelling in the dictionary. I really appreciated her for this.

It all blew up one day when I refused to "learn how to tell time" ( BOOORING) and just started reading a book. The teacher made me sit inside during recess and told me I was a Very Bad Boy. I had zero respect for her at this point. I clearly recall thinking that there was nothing here for me and got up and walked the three miles to home - I had never walked it before. I called my mom to tell her I was at home. She freaked out and then called the school to ask where I was...THAT was amusing.

From then on, I was allowed to do whatever I wanted as long as I took all the tests with the class and was quiet. (I remember I amused myself by taking the tests one day with my right hand and then the next day with my left hand...) I got to spend the first hour and last hour of each day in the School Library. I would read the newspaper in the morning then dive into a book. The Librarian was a great lady and helped me pick out books. ( I already knew how to use a card catalogue and had the DDS memorized. )

I was put in with 5th/6th graders for field trips and other activities like book club. Which I recall looking forward to. I got a lot of attention from the older girls who kind of mothered me.

By the middle of the 3rd Grade, there were no books left to read in that libary and I had started on the Encyclopedias. That was the time of the next crisis.

We moved around quite a bit. There were other incidents like this. In no case, with one exception, did the school district know what to do. In the 5th grade I could do 8 digit division in my head. I could and often did correct teachers in class. This was right before calculators. I recall one test where the teacher got the answer wrong and marked me down. She refused to admit she was wrong so I took it to the principal and was vindicated.

The exception was getting tested when I arrived (7th grade/DS11) and they moved me over to the High School where I was in classes full-time. I could no longer play football, but in soccer I played with the Freshmen. (We moved 6 months later - back into the slow lane.) I was in pre-Calculus geometry, 2d year Algebra, honors English ( 10th grade), physics, and chemistry - essentially a 10th/11th grade load. I was in heaven. I recall being very SMALL compared to most kids. My "best" friend was an 11th grader who was a star football player in my Chem/Math classes. ( In retrospect we had something in common - our exceptional skills in one aspect of our lives. He went on to start as a Sophomore QB in college.)

From then on I hung out with 17-18 year old kids even though I was 12. At least they were interesting and most realized I was young in some ways.

But I was still profoundly alone with no one to share my thoughts with - until I got a "mentor" when I was in 8th grade by accident. He was a professionally trained Astronomer (cool!!), a video game nut and a DOD contractor whom I met while reading books on programming and mirrors at the library.

He gave me books and lists of books and answered my questions. I had someone to talk to. He affected me profoundly. After I knew him for 2 months we moved again.

In some cases, there would be a gifted program. I was already way beyond the programs. For instance, there was an Astronomy enrichment program in the 7th grade. I told the teacher I knew about Astronomy. He just laughed me off and showed us a film on stars and planets. The next time I brought my 6 inch mirror that I had made myself and the list of stars I had observed with it. That was the last time I went to the Astronomy enrichment program. Another program was Botany. Same thing. On the first tour of a greenhouse the guide could not name some plants - I helped her. I made $50 once by naming all the plants in a garden during an organic gardening field day when I was DS10.

Almost ALL of my learning was by myself. No teachers, no parents, no other adults. Just books. Or I would read about something going on and get someone to take me there. And every now and then an adult would step into my life for a few weeks here and there to make a difference or just let me be myself. When I got into Calculus class and into honors English my interests and the school's finally had something in common.

I went through the motions in class - Once I got into 8th grade, grades meant nothing to me - I'd built my own world and a B average was fine and no one paid me any attention. Which was fine with me. I had a job and could buy the things I wanted.

The "system" finally took notice of me when I took the PSAT, the ACT, and the SAT. The latter two I had the highest scores in the entire school district with 5000 graduating seniors. A lot of the perception of me changed when those test scores came in.

In retrospect, the few comments I can make are:

1. Recognize what your child is. Help your child to recognize who they are and thus set appropriate goals that challenge them.
2. Stability.
3. Skip grades asap. I felt comfortable around adults when I was 7 and by 12 I felt confortable around HS Seniors. I was so happy the time I was accelerated to HS.
4. Map out a roadmap for them in all subjects and adhere to it. Make sure the roadmap aims right through a college curriculum. This will give them discipline. My mentor noted above did this for me in Software and Astronomy and it made a huge difference.
5. Let them spend half of their time with their own explorations - ( find them a mentor when they turn 13 - volunteering at that interest helps, ie art museum or planetarium.)