We had many of the same issues. Val is right, I think. Some kids just intuit math at the early stage so easily, that they expect if they can't immediately see the answer in their head, then they can't do it. We had a break down because I wanted to at least move DS6 up to a place where he would learn to be challenged. Stupidly, to me, that involved moving him faster through more work. That broke him. So we took about six months off math. Since he already had math fact fluency down, and I didn't want him to lose it-- so those six months he was asked to do three problems a day on the white board. These were easy, calculation problems--no story problems, just remember the algorithms and do them fast. We did long division, double digit multiplication, basically +/-/*// all kinds of numbers. Three problems, easy for him, but good for keeping up fluency. It took him less than 5 minutes most days. Now we are again working a curriculum, this time without the anger and frustration. We do Singapore WB and CWP. He has gone through .75 of 4th grade in a month. For us, a lot of getting rid of the hysterics when things got rough was changing programs and moving into a lot less busy work. Also making it so that he is doing most of the work a bit below actual ability level (I actually think the basic Singapore WBs are ideal for this) but then throwing in two more difficult problems a day from the CWP, or skipping that if he is acting particularly frustrated that day.
I have learned to see the future as this: DS could have basic elementary math down within a month or two. There is little that he does not just get. He is solid on calculation and math fact fluency too, which makes life easier. BUT, I can't accelerate the process of learning to tackle longer, more thought provoking problems. I can't accelerate challenging him. He can intuit many supposedly challenging problems in his head, but as soon as he comes across ones that make HIM think, he struggles. I can't change that. I can only make it so that those types of problems appear occasionally, and that he slowly gets used to the idea of doing them. It is a slow process that takes a lot of building to get to. I have to learn to take the long view and very slowly and gently build him up to it.
