A letter from the teacher attaching a chapter of the selecdtion came home a week or two ago letting the parents know that some of the students were frustrated with the difficulty but afraid to tell the teacher and urging the parents to work with their kids on the reading selection and to reassure them that they won't be reassigned based on some initial difficulties... I do want DS to lend a helping hand based on both altruistic and selfish reasons. It is important that he understands the concepts of community and charity towards others. Furthermore, the teacher also indicated in her letter that she would have to make changes if the text continues to be way too difficult. I am not sure what that means but it would be a big let-down for DS if the curriculum gets watered down just when he is finally presented with something that wasn't super easy for him... So from a selfish perspective, if helping some of his classmates will ensure DS gets work close to his level, I don't think I want to discourage him from doing so.
While I understand your concern, from a BTDT perspective this may set a dangerous precedent for pressuring students to perform the teaching work which some may say the teacher ought to be doing. There will be many times in life to be selfless and community-minded of one's own free will, without duress, coercion, pressure, or threat of lowered curriculum.
Wherever his discomfort is, that is his natural boundary which needs to be honored. It will be different for different ones. It may be that he doesn't mind helping those with whom he has a solid relationship (like his friend), but may feel imposed upon by others not willing to invest in a more satisfying relationship with him...
I would also tell him that I wasn't sure where the right boundary is as different relationships vary. Then talk about what is good/uncomfortable, then set up a trial to see if that works knowing it can be adjusted if needed. This way he also learns that it is ok to have boundaries, learn how to identify where is boundary is, then know it is ok to adjust as circumstances change.
Agreed! Establishing healthy boundaries is paramount.
... the complexity of my work load increased and the other students also became more and more in need of help. I ended up feeling burnt out and resentful towards the people I had agreed to help (a lose-lose situation.)
Yes, it is very important to think long-term. A child especially may be manipulated with a sense of obligation to others.
On a current thread about deliberate self harm, one article mentioned a possible relation to maladaptive conflict resolution... a feeling of guilt for the unfair advantage of giftedness. Possibly an internalized feeling of guilt and unresolved conflict is planted by requiring students to tutor rather than to learn at their own pace, readiness, and ability level?
