I could have written Made in UK's post.
Unfortunately, I tended (originally) to have two settings-- bashing over the head with logic, or conflict-avoidance.
Luckily, I had one advantage that not many parents do in advocacy: an inside perspective.
So I knew that neither of those approaches is the right one with educators. They, too, tend to be (almost overwhelmingly) conflict-avoidant to the point of being passive or passive-aggressive people. Aggression (or any signs of it) tend to be anathema.
It's just the nature of that particular beast. The other unfortunate thing is that if you DO go the aggression route, as MiUK notes, you may lack "the spirit of the thing" down the road with the everyday players, which can only harm your child.
Here's something to bear in mind-- I know that I do-- when I get the Grizzly Bear impulse to go all medieval on a school teacher/staffer:
what is the VERY worst thing that could happen if I let this one go today?
In my DD's case, I had no choice but to be Grizzly Mom in a brick and mortar setting, which is a huge reason why she isn't in one. Because there, the risk really is "DD could die today." On the other hand, this has made me much more patient and strategically clever as an advocate, because I have the perspective that while occasionally dire... her educational placement issues are, when you get right down to it, mostly of the "first world problems" variety. Not worth the cavalry on a day to day basis. Worth chipping away at, though. But not a matter for calling 911.
That has been a hard thing to wrestle, however. The impulse as a parent is to make EVERYTHING "right" and when it isn't, to go charging in loaded for bear, so to speak. It's taken me YEARS to prioritize things, and I still (occasionally) get it wrong. I've always been great at catastrophizing, thanks in part to my own LOG and ability to see consequences down the road. While that is a useful skill, and one that I wouldn't trade (it has kept me and mine safe on more than one occasion), it also takes a toll to be chasing mice around the elephant in the center of the room. KWIM?
Here's my secret as an advocate: I'm always professional, but I'm also relentless. Think about the line from The Shawshank Redemption: "Pressure... and time." If you can afford TIME, then let gentle pressure do its thing.
I've only failed ONCE. It was crushing-- but it was also genuinely "no-win." So know that such things can happen-- and know the signs so that you don't emotionally overinvest in "winning" and forget that your ultimate goal is expediting what your child needs. That loss still stings many years later, I'll just add. My daughter still bridles over it, too.
