Honestly-- the ONLY thing to do about this sort of toxicity is walk away for a less toxic (hopefully even a "healthy") alternative. That definition is going to vary tremendously from parent to parent and child to child. I'm just stunned that he signed up for this and is now unhappy because-- well, apparently because he didn't understand what he was getting his daughter into. Not sure on that point.
Walk away to where?
You've described some pretty toxic situations with your DD's school. Why didn't you walk away? Did you know in advance that those problems would happen?
Some people can't walk away. They have nowhere to go. This guy is in New York City. His option might be to bus his daughter to a crappy school across town and 80 blocks north or south. So the choices might very well be "learn little or nothing" or "work all evening."
The problem is the system.And things are rarely so simple that walking away is an option, even if there's a decent school close by. My own DD's math situation is toxic, but everything else about her school is wonderful. Plus, she has wonderful friends there and wants to go to high school and college with them. In her case, walking away could create more problems than staying. So I advocate, just like HomeworkDad is.
The system is the problem.Bostonian, yes, not everyone gets a lot of homework. But those kids aren't the problem here. The ones getting overloaded are. If I sprain my ankle, I can't ignore it just because other people's ankles are fine.
ETA: or to make the point more pertinent, I can't ignore the needs of my gifted kid just because the average IQ is 100.
