Same concerns here, Dee Dee; our DD(13) has had a smartphone for about a year. We haven't found any helpful software yet, so curious to see if anyone chimes in on that question. We do read DD's texts daily, she is aware of this and it has worked ok so far, though she is very responsible and I trust her (like you, more concerned with judgement and other kids' texts). We had an issue where she was deleting things, (to save data space, supposedly; at this point, she is supposed to let us know prior to deleting things, and I am trusting her).
The only issue that has been a problem is that on a few instances, another kid has "borrowed" the phone for a minute and sent texts pretending to be DD. apparently this is common (??) and mostly just meant in silly/teasing ways, but in the incidents we had, the language was a bit salty, and the words were definitely not DDs, so much so that I doubt the recipients were fooled. Still, lending the phone, even for a minute, is now a big no-no punishable by loss of phone. DD was uncomfortable with the borrowing situation and knew it was wrong, but caved to the group peer pressure- she's generally really good about stuff like that, but the power of the group can be hard to resist even for strong kids.
Just FYI, I may sound paranoid, but like you we have lived through some bullying and I know the culture at her school, so I intermittently stalk some of the social media sites. DD does not participate in social media but most of the kids driving the school culture do, and many of the sites are public and easy to view. Probably the worst site frequently used around here is ask.fm; a site where kids ask questions anonymously and the account user answers. Some stuff is inane, but there are all sorts of rankings of kids, discussions of sexual topics, foul language, lots of hate and talk of self-harm and suicide. The vitriol and abuse on the site is quite shocking- it's hard to know why anyone would let their kids use it, but reading it helps me have a little insight into what is going on amongst some of the "power players" in the school, and allows me to make sure DD isn't mentioned, etc.
Curious, HK, as to where camera phones are prohibited; our school takes phones away if they are out during school hours, and I know they are prohibited in exams, but generally kids check them with the proctor (or leave them home) in those situations, and it applies to all phones, not just camera phones.
