Suffice it to say, the entire thing has me feeling uneasy (terrified), and her behavior in class just raises the stakes.
I have totally BTDT on this. My DS was extremely (extremely!) difficult at that age. What I can say (from my new place 5 years further down the road) is that children grow and change, and you must count on yourself and DD-- it is not going to be this way forever. Yes, there are problems to solve here, but being terrified is going to cost you energy without helping DD. My recommendation: accept what it is today and consistently choose ways of responding that maximize DD's learning.
Can you call the school where she will be doing K, and schedule an emergency meeting, preferably with your private therapy staff in attendance? These school folks need preparation on how to respond to whatever comes. They may be able to do a good job with it if you prepare them.
2) She KNOWS that she CAN'T get in real trouble in her present environment. She knows this because they've told her as much, and because she's REALLY tested them on it.
What would constitute "real trouble" from her POV?
It took my DS a long time to grasp that he was scaring the heck out of other kids, and that it was affecting his ability to have friends. That's real trouble, but not something a kindergarten-age person can grasp right away.
The principal's office felt like respite to him-- so that was no help. One has to design the consequences carefully so that the results of good or bad behavior are real TO HER.
3) She also KNOW kindergarten is starting in two weeks, as she and her friends talk about it all the time. She raises the issue constantly with strangers who she meets around town.
How does she talk about it? Positively? Anxiously? What are *her* expectations?
With our DS, we have often been able to leverage these milestone/transitional life moments into positive behavior change. "Here's how kindergartners behave." "Now you're a Scout, here are the new rules." "We're going to do it this way in 2013." For him, the "new era" feeling can help him rethink his patterns-- if we provide lots of positive support for that.
Hang in there.
DeeDee
