On the issue of getting the choice to complete all the work, I guess there is always a difficult line we try to follow. Many of the "obedient" girls struggle with perfectionim. DH who teaches college has a ton of perfectionistic students who freak out if they don't get an A. They turn in all their work and they should get an A and if they don't get an A then they must be a bad person (or something like that). I don't think we want that either.