We explained it as being like left handedness - i.e. Nothing is wrong with DD - she just learns in a different way from the majority. DD doesn't even know who in her class is left handed but when DH and I were in school it was a big deal because those kids had to have special scissors and some teachers complained about having to alter assignments for the lefties. When her grandparents were in school it was considered a bad thing to be left handed and the poor left handed kids had to try to learn to do everything with their right hands. There was nothing wrong with them - they just did things differently. But people didn't understand it back then so those kids had a really hard time in school.

It's the same with the way DD (and DH and his father) learn. Her brain (as well as DH's and his father's) processes things differently so teachers have learned over the years how to make learning easier for kids like her (and DH and his father). We are so lucky to have spec ed teacher who knows how to help her. When DH was offered the help as a kid his parents said no - they didn't understand that school would have been so much better for him if he could have learned in the way that was right for him. Poor grandpa was treated like he was a bad kid because they just didn't understand back then that some people just learn differently...

She still doesn't want to be seen as different but at least it has been framed in terms of "different" rather than "wrong". Now if only we could get her classroom teacher to understand this little lesson...