Homeschooling isn't an option?
If she's a pretty happy child otherwise, these behaviors seem like red flags to me, too. They are symptoms of something.
Does she *have* to wear a coat? Ask her why she doesn't want to wear one. If it *isn't* sensory related, then let her make her own choice. Walking through 30 degree weather without a coat sucks. Let her try it a few days in a row and see if she continues to choose no coat. If she's a smart little girl, she can certainly handle choosing whether or not to wear a coat. If it isn't a point of contention between you two, she'll be able to return to wearing her coat without losing face and without anyone needing to force her. No saying "I told you so." ha
If the shower is a sensory thing, then she shouldn't be required to take one. It's not something you can just change about her. If it's a control thing, it's still worth working with her or making sure you guys have enough time for a bath.
If I were her- with no control in a learning situation that I hated and that left me feeling brain dead- I'd be grasping for control elsewhere in my life- such as with the coat or by going against whatever you wanted me to do. You understand how she feels about it and what she'd prefer to be doing... I wouldn't expect a 5 year old to "suck it up" the way adults do when we're required to work a soul deadening job. Heck, *I* don't even have the ability to stick to something I find that awful. Maybe it was all those years of hating my life and having no control over what I had to do every.damn.day.
I think she's trying to get your attention. These behaviors are a cry for help. She can't fix her own situation. If it were my daughter, I'd sit down and explain to her that we are trying to get her more interesting work and that I needed her to work with me and be patient. Even my two year old can be patient for awhile when I explain to her that she'll get something soon, just not right now. If homeschool is a possibility, I'd promise her that if it doesn't happen, she can learn at home.
My mom kept me compliant through all of elementary school by promising that if I got good grades and behaved, I would get chosen for the very selective honors program in middle school. Only when I was in 5th grade (and surely would have been chosen) they opened it up to a huge number of kids and watered down the curriculum. Middle school was just as awful as elementary school and I gave up at that point. I was awful to parent from that point on. I was practically failing by 11th grade.
Last edited by islandofapples; 12/21/12 01:08 PM.
