there was a guy on Oprah once, Gavin something or other, who had a book called Protecting the Gift, about how we undermine our protective instincts and we especially do it to girls, against strangers. We all have that interior voice or something telling us someone is not right or off, or the situation is a problem and we are taught to override it to be "nice" and not be rude. He thinks its why or how people get into bad situations, not responding when the hairs stand up or you get a weird vibe.
I remembered so vividly my nephew being told go to grandma who he hadn't seen in months, and he was probably a year old, he was terrified and she didn't care and squashed him in a bear hug. Now, today, loves his grandma sure, and has no issues, but mom told him to hug this person, even though he didn't want to. I didn't like that message and once I had DS I never asked him to give a hug or to touch someone without asking him. I will ask him to say goodbye but if he didn't that was fine too.
Fascinating to watch him elevators - adults will often hear our conversations and react - they will often butt in and ask questions - sometimes he answers and sometimes he ignores them, which is very awkward in an enclosed space. I just shrug when the adult looks at me. One time at 5, DS actually said I don't talk to strangers. Now clearly sometimes he does, so I asked him after a non participatory event and he said he was uncomfortable. I told him that was great, if he is uncomfortable he does not have to answer questions about himself to strangers or semi strangers. I want him to respond warily when he has a bad vibe. And I want him to know his feelings are to be respected, by himself and by me.
DeHe
