The first time I heard about selective mutism I had rather a big "ah-ha" moment re my 2nd child and we did actually take her off to a psychologist for an opinion - which was that in my DD's case it's "Won't not Can't talk". She's rude not disablingly anxious (this new was delivered with gentleness and a smile). I certainly agree that she's not diangosably selectively mute. But she certainly has extreme difficulty with some (even most?) adults, but not all and not at all with children and is VERY loud when she wants to be.

All of my children, particularly my 2nd and 3rd, have been been very aware and very overt about which adults they do and don't like right from infancy. I have a vivid memory of standing in a hallway at my best friend's house holding my youngest when she must have been about 6 months old. A stream of guests were arriving and coming down the hall and all of them tried to interact with her. She snubbed most of them, overtly cringed away from someone I knew quite well and have always considered a delightful woman and then almost leaped out of my arms to lunge for this woman's elder daughter as she came past not long after...

I can't always tell why my kids don't like some people, but I do know that they consistently don't like people who talk to them with the super nice cutesy "I'm talking to a little kid" manner and voice. Older women often over dramatise, change their voice, behave in a way that they think is friendly and enticing to small children and my children take as either condescending or scary. I have also had friends comment to me that with their very timid/shy children, who hide from almost all other adults, will interact with me and they suspect its because I just talk to them quietly and calmly like one would address an adult or older child. The content of what I say is obviously different for a baby or a toddler than an adult but I don't tend to change my way of speaking or interacting. No idea if that is part of your issue but it's certainly one thing I note with my own kids.

Last edited by MumOfThree; 12/02/12 06:30 PM.