I think it is all about the parents. My mother was as "girly" as you get, spending her last dime on a new dress, shoes or hat etc.
But she was good in math before WW2, was proud of it and became a doctor. She pushed me to become a doctor, a dentist, someone in charge and expected me to be good in math. I never had doubts that it was not girlish to be smart or to do any job.
Now, I did not pursue STEM careers because I wanted to make a lot of money and I too like to dress in high heels (well used to, now, being the in-house dog walker, I wear sneakers) and DD loves her clothes (and make-up and nail polish -- when she can get away with it with her friends -- I think this starts a little young) and her Barbie's but she knows that being 2 years ahead in math is expected since she is capable at 7 turning 8. She never thinks of it as a boys' thing. And her science class at the museum is exciting and interesting. But -- she has never had a big building interest, or taking apart electronics. Either have I, but I can and do as necessary as part of my life, like putting shelves together. I don't think of it as gender roles.
I think we teach our kids all of it, and let them do what they find interesting. I took engineering and never worked as an engineer. I chose a career that let me dress up and travel the world. But engineering skills helped get there.
Ren
