BTW...I think this approach is REALLY hard yo maintain longterm. Who wants to live by chart forever?
We use this approach, but we only used the credit system for about 4 months. Lots of families never use the credit system.
The key is to energetically recognize all the small successes. Lots of gifted parents have enough perfectionism and intensity going that this isn't easy. But that's what makes it so powerful.
This approach never aims to eliminate kids from doing stupid things. So there is no need to give warnings because the goal isn't to prevent all misbehavior. The goal is to help the child develop inner resources so that they slow down and thing things through without adult guidance.
The 'punishment' is a really brief 'moment of reflection.' It was really hard for me to get in the habit of saying 'Stop' to my kid, because I remembered so vividly how much I hated being said 'Stop' to as a kid. But I have learned, slowly, how to say 'Reset' - which sort of means, 'You have crossed a line. Cease this behavior now. Recenter yourself.' And my son has learned to do this. Now I don't even say anything, I just break eyecontact, and he recenters.
What I particularly love is that I don't have to tell him what he boundary he crossed. He can figure that out himself. How cool is that?
My guess, Evemomma, is that what you call a warning is functioning very similarly to what I would call a reset. It sounds like it's working for you so that's great. You are keeping yourself from getting emotional over the negative stuff, and I'll bet you are giving the emotional payoff when the behavior is good. So to me, that's the heart of 'Transforming.'
Smiles,
Grinity
