OP, I seldom post on this topic because it's extremely emotional for me. In fact, I purposefully did not read other posts in the thread and am responding only to you - because you asked for thoughts on grade-skipping a smaller-sized, high-IQ boy.
Based on experience with our own grade-skipped DS (now 12 & in the 5-10th % for height), I will tell you what I wish someone would have told me before we allowed DS to be skipped from K to 1st:
Before skipping your DS, visit the middle school, walk the halls during passing periods and watch the boys. Pay attention to the details and interactions. Talk with the gym teacher and coaches. Find out everything you can about P.E & the boys' locker rooms. If your DS will be required to wear a gym uniform, ask what's the smallest size available. Talk with the lunchroom staff. Talk with the custodians (who clean the boys' bathrooms). Seriously. Talk to anyone & everyone about how the social interactions of the day go, what after-school activities are offered, and how after-school events are handled. Find out about mixers, clubs and sports. (Even if you can't imagine your DS wanting to be part of mixers, clubs or sports.) Observe the boys. Seek out parents of boys. Talk to them, in-depth, about the challenges boys face in middle school, both academically and socially.
Talk with the middle school teachers. Find out how "organized" they expect the students to be. What are the expectations for note-taking, projects, group projects and term papers? In our experience, middle school places strong emphasis on organizational skills - even more so than actual academics - and some high IQ kids, espc boys, can be "nutty professor" types. How understanding will the teachers be regarding a student on the younger side who is still learning key organizational skills?
If your DS has aspirations for student leadership, find out how elections are run. Are some positions appointed or is all student leadership determined by popular vote? Think about what you are told.
If your middle school posts "daily announcements" online, read them. Read those announcements for at least 2 months before you move DS.
Find out about the use of social media among middle schoolers. Read articles, blogs, and talk to parents, teachers & administrators. Understand the role that social media will play in the school day - even if your DS is not on Facebook & never will be in middle school.
Learn about texting and "sexting," even if you have no intention of giving your DS a phone in middle school.
Listen to the music that's popular among the middle school set. Note the words. Watch the popular shows on TV, videos on YouTube, whatever. Even if your DS will never be exposed to this at home, find out what is popular and dissect it. Watch how young men are depicted in popular culture. Understand the world that your much younger, much smaller boy will enter.
If you have trusted friends with middle school boys, ask the parents if you may talk with these boys about school, friends and after-school life. Then ask questions and listen to what these boys tell you. Listen hard.
Then, if you are still undecided, go to your feeder high school. Repeat the steps above. Do not walk away until you understand what high school life is like in today's world, especially for boys/young men, regardless of their particular IQs.
And talk to your pediatrician.
We grade-skipped our DS in Kindy, at the school's strong recommendation - but we did go along with it, so we are ultimately accountable. It was not uncommon for 1-2 kiddos to be skipped each year at our school, at that time. I honestly do not know a single one of these kids who has done well socially - and some have not thrived academically, either. Many are in HS now. One graduated last year - at age 16 - and is going to her "safety" college, not having been accepted anywhere else. The grade-skipping days at our elementary are basically over, given what has happened to some of the older kids.
In our case, DS went from being the most popular student in 1st grade (the "pet") to a boy with almost no friends in 5th (the "outcast). When our older DS went to middle school, he came home after 2 weeks and pulled DH & me aside, telling us that he could not imagine his younger brother going to middle school at such a young age. He told me what I already knew in my heart, but did not want to accept.
In the end, we realigned DS with his same-age classmates before he hit middle school. Yes, he repeated 5th grade. He bears some emotional scars, I'm sure, but he is doing incredibly well at school, on above-level tests, and much better in the "friendship" category. He is class president, too. He is happy again & dreams of doing all the things his high school brother does - and now he has a real chance at some of those things. Not all are academic.
Your friend who won't subject his own boys to what he endured as a child has good reasons for what he's doing. IMO, if the school doesn't make gym clothes that fit your DS, that may be a metaphor for other things.
My heart goes out to you, whatever you decide. Best of luck in your journey.
