Keep them talking about themselves, not actual topics like politics. People love to talk about their own lives and experiences, and kids can often learn sme interesting things about family history that will help build a bit of a bond where there is little common ground.
Thank you for your advice, but it seems like all our family wants to talk about is sports and the vacations they took and fun places they went shopping and all the nice things they bought and how they love going to church any time the doors are open. This only adds to the pain we feel. Isolation and not fitting in with your family is painful. It is very difficult for us to go anywhere or do anything right now because of the scoliosis brace my son has to wear for at least the next several years. The isolation we feel is very difficult to deal with but I am amazed at how well my son is dealing with it. He seems very mature for a 13 year old.
Bite your tongue when what you view as unenlightened comments are made. A reporter knows that the best way to clam up an interviewee is to correct or challenge them.
I didn't bite my tongue years ago when I should have but I thought it was okay to talk to family about some problems I was having. When family members talked about the wonderful public school they sent their kids to I told them I didn't think that any school that would not try to provide an appropriate education for my twice exceptional child or occupational therapy for his mild physical disabilities could be considered a good school. I should have bit my tongue when I told them after our first year of homeschooling that my son tested grade levels ahead of age mates. I told them I thought it was crazy that my son's kindergarten teacher suggested holding back my son who had mild physical disabilities (SPD and low muscle tone that caused him to fatigue faster than other kids) who was reading at a 5th grade level and doing mental math in kindergarten without offering any OT (not allowed because he wasn't failing). I think they refer to this at the school as the "gift of time" so that physical skills can catch up. She wanted him to be able to color in the lines better before he went to first grade. They do a lot of coloring sheets and worksheets at the school and my son doesn't learn well that way. I also told my family I thought it was crazy that all kids must read the same books and were not allowed to read at the higher level they were able to read. I told them that even the principal and superintendent told us we needed to homeschool.
But I think probably the worst thing I said was that I thought the grades they gave out at the school didn't mean much because I noticed that almost all of the kids in each class ended up with their names on the honor roll and in the paper at the end of each semester.
My cousin's son made straight A's at our local public school and got a football scholarship, but he struggled with the academic work. My husband said he thought this was the reason he was taken off the team. I am sure they remember all those things I said in the past, so we can't talk about education.
It's at most a few hours, and learning tolerance for others who may not show tolerance to us is a wonderful gift to give our children - especially our gifted kids who may struggle with tolerating their peers.
My son doesn't argue with people about their beliefs and he is very careful about what he says to other people. He has turned into a more quiet, thoughtful young man in the last few years. A relative who saw a recent facebook post that he wrote said he is a wise young man and I agree. He told me that he thinks that a lot of people here tend to take things out of context when they read--they read one line and somehow don't read the lines before or after it. They don't get the message that the writer intended the reader to get. He thinks that could be what is happening in some of our churches. He knows that preachers can easily take one line from the Bible and use it out of context and so many people do not take the time to read for themselves that they believe everything the preacher is saying. He doesn't think that he did anything to cause his pain and disabilities or that he is more sinful than anyone else because he has pain or anxiety just because some preacher said it, but I think it just adds to the feeling of isolation when he is around other people who believe these things and attend a church where things like this are taught. When I said something to him recently about church being an important part of our small town culture he said he noticed the word "cult" in culture. He says he can read and learn from the Bible on his own.
The family didn't speak to my adult daughter who was visiting from out of state either when she first arrived and she doesn't just let things go like I do. She said they looked away when she smiled at them. She loudly said something like "at least my dad's family talks to me when I walk in the door." She later made a visit to an older relative to try to find out what had happened to our family. The older relative had noticed the same things we noticed and was sad about it.
My daughter stayed with her little brother for almost her entire Christmas vacation. She has so many old friends here but she knew her little brother needed her support because of the pain he is going through in getting used to the painful brace that makes it difficult for him to do anything more than just sit all day long. It also makes it harder to breathe and eat more than a few bites. Family support is important in helping a kid get through this and this is what family is supposed to be like but I cannot change those family members who are not supportive and I think we just need to limit our time with them.
Just my thoughts since you asked. But with all that said, when the rude gossip starts, I do the same thing and bury myself in my iPhone. I can accept different values, religions, political tendencies, etc. but refuse to listen to or participate in gossip.
