I was a reporter for about 10 years and had dinners with people who did not have a single thing in common with me. The very best way to avoid minefields at family dinners is to pretend you're a reporter that is writing a fluff piece for which your editor has commanded that any hard-hitting questions are off limits.
If you put yourself in this mindset, you do the following:
Keep them talking about themselves, not actual topics like politics. People love to talk about their own lives and experiences, and kids can often learn sme interesting things about family history that will help build a bit of a bond where there is little common ground.
Bite your tongue when what you view as unenlightened comments are made. A reporter knows that the best way to clam up an interviewee is to correct or challenge them.
It's at most a few hours, and learning tolerance for others who may not show tolerance to us is a wonderful gift to give our children - especially our gifted kids who may struggle with tolerating their peers.
Just my thoughts since you asked. But with all that said, when the rude gossip starts, I do the same thing and bury myself in my iPhone. I can accept different values, religions, political tendencies, etc. but refuse to listen to or participate in gossip.
