All very good questions, and I'm not offended. While writing all that I've written today, I've been aware that I probably am coming off as someone who is not wanting to accept the AS diagnosis.
I wouldn't say that. The impression I got was more that you want something really clear cut and you are frustrated you aren't getting it. I totally get the appeal of that, it just may not be reality. The line between PG and PG+AS can be really fuzzy. It may truly be a situation where only time can tell. To me it doesn't sound like pushing for a very firm "he's got it or he doesn't" is really going to accomplish a lot right now.
I'm wondering if there is a possibility of letting go of the diagnosis question for a while and instead focusing specifically on what may be challenging your son on a given day. It may be that you are more open and comfortable to seeing and coping with that stuff if it doesn't feel like everything you notice is a check in the "he's got it" category.
I'm not sure what to say about the evidence I would need to see to feel better about this diagnosis. The psych used the example of a midpoint and ds possibly being at say #49 (PG only) or possibly at #51 (AS and PG). This person didn't appear to be certain as to where to place ds, on or off the spectrum, though 'on' was what he chose in the end. The one behavior that was used that technically qualified my ds as having AS didn't seem, to us, to fit. Perhaps the psych was trying to be gentle and we misunderstood the statements made to us.
One of the things I dislike most in doctors is if they act like they are certain when they aren't. So, as frustrating as it may be when you want a firm answer, I guess I would appreciate the honest discussion of how close your son appears to the line. I'm also thinking while a lot of instruments and measures are used, at the end of the day some of this is really about the gut feeling that there is something there that needs attention. In the case where it is truly on the line, it may make sense to lean toward thinking there may be a concern because that keeps it on the table for further treatment and evaluations. If it is so close, I'm not sure it makes sense to rule it out just yet.
You make a good point here. There are clearly a few boys in his class who have something going on, but ds seems to be able to interact with all children, and is accepted by the more popular kids in the group. I'll observe him more closely next week.
More popular kids are often more popular because they have good social skills and are able to deal with a wide variety of kids. One good thing about homeschooling is that it can be like an extended family where kids are accepted for all their quirks. I would look more to new situations to get a handle how he's doing.
